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April 25, 2005
Like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick
I was recently stunned into submission when I noticed that there is a new movie version of one of my favorite books of all time, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which opens April 29. Having long since lost/lent/sold/given away/trashed/consigned to a life of slavery on Arcturus Boolgeeian VII my own copies of these fantastic books, I went to Borderlands Books and re-purchased paperback copies of the first three of five books in the increasingly incorrectly named trilogy.
Naturally, it's just as hilarious as I remember, and I'm looking very forward to the movie, but this whole thing has gotten me thinking about how I love re-reading favorite books.
Do you have a collection of these? Maybe they are books you read as a kid or a young adult that really made an impression on you, or something similar, but if you like to read or not, I bet you've got at least one. Just as Rachel had Little Women and Joey had The Shining, we all have our favorite re-reads. And if it happened to that wacky Friends gang, it must have happened to us all.
Aside from the Douglas Adams books, here are some of mine:
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA by C S Lewis
My 5th grade teacher Ms. Wolen did me the biggest favor of my young life short of my 9th grade phys ed teacher making me play football once so that I hurt my finger and got out of phys ed AND typing for a week; she read to us and she read us Narnia. I've subsequently re-read all of these books at least twice, except for The Last Battle, the final book, which was just too too sad. Remember that when you read or re-read these (and you will do it) that you should read them in the order they were originally published in:
1. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
2. Prince Caspian
3. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
4. The Silver Chair
5. The Horse and his Boy
6. The Magician's Nephew
7. The Last Battle
In all current editions, you will find the books re-ordered so that the events in them are chronological. The magical 'flashback' quality of both The Horse and His Boy and The Magician's Nephew are completely lost this way, and I think the experience is diminished. Accept no substitutes!
A CANTICLE FOR LEIBOWITZ by Walter M. Miller, Jr.
A college friend had to read this for a class on, of all things, nuclear holocausts, and when he was done, he lent it to me. I had heard several episodes of an incredible radio adaptation in my early days of NPR obsession when I was in high school, and I gladly took the book.
I actually didn't read it until several years later, but I've re-read it twice more since then. This book gives you an amazing perspective on lots of things, nuclear armageddon and it's aftermath being one, but time is the real star. Centuries of change, development, upheaval, destruction and reformation seem like they happen in the space of a year. The characters are all perfectly written and sympathetic without being all nice guys.
There is also a fair amount of past events being interpreted one way by people of the 'present,' when you as the reader know the truth and what they've gotten so very wrong. In that way it has a profound sense of history, and causes you to question even the things we know from our own past. Nuclear war, Catholic monks, tribes, books, and a world of might-have-been. Amazing book.
THE TRIPODS TRILOGY by John Christopher
Another favorite that a grade school teacher read to us: Set in a strange version of Earth that has been taken over by aliens who cannot breathe our atmosphere, and so move around the planet in sealed ships with three giant legs... The Tripods. They establish their own cities with specially treated water, air and even heavier gravity, and pick the strongest of the mind-controlled young people of the remaining Earth populace to be their slaves.
The White Mountains introduces the world and the main players, The City of Gold and Lead shows our hero, Will infiltrate a Tripod city, and The Pool of Fire shows the free people of Earth and their last stand against the Tripods and their powerful technology. I see now that there is a fourth book, a flashback to the invasion of Earth called When the Tripods Came.
I also see, familiarly, that the publishers recommend reading that book first. I do not! Half the fun of the first book is trying to figure out what's going on. Plus, everyone knows how cool flashbacks are. Stop trying to make us read in a perfectly linear way, publishers! Stop it now!
PS: Despite being for 'young readers,' events in these books are quite dark. Terrorism, slavery, mind-control, violence and even straight-up murder are all included. You have been warned!
WATCHMEN by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
Quite possibly the coolest fucking comic book ever ever written. Ever. Yes... it's got super-heroes, people. Sorry about that, but you're just going to have to get over it.
There is so much in these pages: Real people, the times they live in and their influence over those times. How much you can do vs. how much you should do. Sanity vs. insanity and who says which is which. How small, seemingly insignificant events can have earth-shattering consequences. What's the real nature of intelligence and power, and does it alone give you the right to rule the world? And, as completely lame as it sounds, what it means to be Human (and I don't just mean the Dr. Manhattan aspect of the story, for those of you who have read it).
There are a few others, like Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time books, and I can see The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay making it onto this list someday, but I won't read that again until I can get Christopher to read it once.
Damn. This makes me want to cancel my evening plans and stay in to read Watchmen again.
Posted by kyle at 4:47 PM
April 22, 2005
The Return of Found Porn
From the Day In Pictures:
"Bielefeld`s Fatmir Vata (left) pushes Munich goalkeep Oliver Kahn's buttons during a German Federation Cup soccer match in Bielefeld, Germany."
Let's turn the hose on these two. They need to cool down.
Posted by kyle at 2:37 PM
Waiter, there's a... well, it's not exactly a fly, per se....
You know what's great? This whole Finger-in-the-Chili story. I love love love love love this story. Just when you think it can't get any more outrageous, it does. Look at this series of events:
- Woman finds bit o' finger in her Wendy's Chili. Not an urban legend!
- Wendy's, flummoxed, apologizes and promises an investigation. Dave Thomas' corpse is not exhumed.
- Woman sues anyway. Mental anguish or some crap. Surprise!
- Authorities begin to suspect Woman is a grade-A grifter.
- Woman complains about how awful it was to, and I quote, [have a] "human remain in my mouth." Note the singular. Priceless.
- Woman and assorted trashy friends and family deny her guilt. "They don't got jack s—," a friend quips.
- Different lady claims the finger might be hers, as one of her own was bitten off recently BY A LEOPARD, but later changes her mind. Like ya do.
- Now the Woman is arrested for suspicion of theft and larceny. No word on any charges for her hairdo.
It is so obvious now that this Woman is a litigious snake and a faker, so seeing her brought low has its own degree of pleasure. It's the sheer freakiness of it all that amuses me so much.
I thought the story had hit a high point with the whole leopard thing, until I read today, in the newspaper mind you, that she was arrested while watching "Meet the Fockers" on DVD. You can't make shit like that up, people. I could make a prediction about what messed-up thing will happen next, but how could I? When a leopard figures into the story, all bets are off. Just ask Katharine Hepburn.
Thus, for your edification, I offer this list, lifted directly from the most excellent About.com Urban Legends and Netlore pages, of the Top 10 Actual Headlines in Wendy's Finger-in-Chili Coverage. Read and enjoy, my friends, as this shows that journalists still have a sense of humor.
10. Diner Puts a Finger on What's Wrong with the Chili
9. Finger Food Leaves Diner with Really Bad Taste; Chili Had Too Much of a Human Touch
8. Wendy's "Finger" Has a Chili Effect on Sales
7. Tipsters Calling Wendy's About Finger in Chili
6. Finger in Chili Not Getting Any Easier to Digest
5. Wendy's Reeling, the Butt of the Joke in Body Part Caper
4. Police Aiming to Point Finger at the Owner of Missing Digit
3. Six-Digit Reward for Origin of Wendy's "Chili Finger"
2. Finger In Chili Stumps Cops
1. Woman Bites Off More than She Can Chew
Sources:
10. Chicago Sun-Times
9. Salt Lake Tribune
8. ProFindPages.com
7. Los Angeles Times
6. Chicago Sun-Times
5. Sun Herald
4. Winston-Salem Journal
3. Winnipeg Sun
2. CBS News
1. Montreal Gazette
Posted by kyle at 1:56 PM