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April 22, 2005
Waiter, there's a... well, it's not exactly a fly, per se....
You know what's great? This whole Finger-in-the-Chili story. I love love love love love this story. Just when you think it can't get any more outrageous, it does. Look at this series of events:
- Woman finds bit o' finger in her Wendy's Chili. Not an urban legend!
- Wendy's, flummoxed, apologizes and promises an investigation. Dave Thomas' corpse is not exhumed.
- Woman sues anyway. Mental anguish or some crap. Surprise!
- Authorities begin to suspect Woman is a grade-A grifter.
- Woman complains about how awful it was to, and I quote, [have a] "human remain in my mouth." Note the singular. Priceless.
- Woman and assorted trashy friends and family deny her guilt. "They don't got jack s—," a friend quips.
- Different lady claims the finger might be hers, as one of her own was bitten off recently BY A LEOPARD, but later changes her mind. Like ya do.
- Now the Woman is arrested for suspicion of theft and larceny. No word on any charges for her hairdo.
It is so obvious now that this Woman is a litigious snake and a faker, so seeing her brought low has its own degree of pleasure. It's the sheer freakiness of it all that amuses me so much.
I thought the story had hit a high point with the whole leopard thing, until I read today, in the newspaper mind you, that she was arrested while watching "Meet the Fockers" on DVD. You can't make shit like that up, people. I could make a prediction about what messed-up thing will happen next, but how could I? When a leopard figures into the story, all bets are off. Just ask Katharine Hepburn.
Thus, for your edification, I offer this list, lifted directly from the most excellent About.com Urban Legends and Netlore pages, of the Top 10 Actual Headlines in Wendy's Finger-in-Chili Coverage. Read and enjoy, my friends, as this shows that journalists still have a sense of humor.
10. Diner Puts a Finger on What's Wrong with the Chili
9. Finger Food Leaves Diner with Really Bad Taste; Chili Had Too Much of a Human Touch
8. Wendy's "Finger" Has a Chili Effect on Sales
7. Tipsters Calling Wendy's About Finger in Chili
6. Finger in Chili Not Getting Any Easier to Digest
5. Wendy's Reeling, the Butt of the Joke in Body Part Caper
4. Police Aiming to Point Finger at the Owner of Missing Digit
3. Six-Digit Reward for Origin of Wendy's "Chili Finger"
2. Finger In Chili Stumps Cops
1. Woman Bites Off More than She Can Chew
Sources:
10. Chicago Sun-Times
9. Salt Lake Tribune
8. ProFindPages.com
7. Los Angeles Times
6. Chicago Sun-Times
5. Sun Herald
4. Winston-Salem Journal
3. Winnipeg Sun
2. CBS News
1. Montreal Gazette
Posted by kyle at April 22, 2005 1:56 PM