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February 27, 2006
Same time next year
As many of my regular readers no doubt already know, February is a rather important month around the Minor-Myers household. On the 1st Saturday of the month, Christopher and I celebrate the anniversary of our first date. This year it fell on the actual day of our first date 11 years ago, February 4th, 1995. It is from this point that we really mark the beginning of our relationship.
Once we moved to San Francisco, we took advantage of the wonderful opportunity to register as Domestic Partners, first in the city and then shortly after with the State of California. Both required a little paperwork with a lot of very serious commitments... including, for the SF registry, declaring under penalty of perjury that if one of us owes someone money, that person could collect from either one of us. Even more interesting is the very first declaration:
"We have an intimate, committed relationship of mutual caring"
Do marriage licenses even say that? Anyway, that seriously impressed us. How could we ever live in a Red State or even a slightly Purple State after that? We did the SF registry when our friend Nank was visiting once -- in February. Anniversary #2.
Then, two years ago in 2004, crazy ol' Gavin Newsom (who still needs a hair-do makeover. Seriously.) went off his meds and decided he'd start letting same-sex couples get marriage licenses and have civil ceremonies. It was a phenomenal experience even to walk through, let alone get to join in on. For us, the ceremony happened two years ago today, on February 27, 2004. I’ll never forget the feeling around City Hall those days – everyone was just so freaking happy! Bouquets of flowers sent from across the nation piled up in every corner, and everyone from civil servants to ordinary citizens spent hundreds of hours volunteering to see that everything went well. It was spectacular.
C and I spent this past weekend in San Diego where his parents were visiting again, and after dinner one night, his mother trotted out a cake and a wee giftie to mark our anniversary. Everyone should be lucky to have in-laws like mine!
This got me to thinking about what different people in our lives consider when they decide how, and more importantly when, to congratulate us on the fact that our clothes, books and music are too mixed in together to separate after all these years.
My sister, Erin, was the first in my family to recognize our anniversary as a real thing, since she started seeing her now-husband right around the same time, and before they got married, they would mark time from those early dates, too. She would call and say, "I know I should know this, but don't you have an anniversary coming up?" I reminded her that we always celebrated on the first Saturday in February, and that it was sweet of her to remember at all. Not long after that, my mother, no doubt hearing that Erin had sent us a card (she's unfailingly good about things like that, quite unlike me), would call and say "Oh, now tell me again. when is your anniversary?" I reminded her many times over, but it never seemed to stick in her mind or on her calendar, though she's sent us many cards and generous gifts over the years.
After the big City Hall wedding two years ago, Mom seemed to take special notice. That "wedding date" seemed to be something she could finally wrap her mind around, so she decided to recognize that one. About a year afterward, I was having the inevitable "when is your anniversary, anyway" conversations with her, and again I went into the whole thing about our first date, Domestic Partnership and the City Hall officiated wedding. She said something to the effect of, "Well, the one you had at City Hall... that's the one I think is official." Her emphasis -- not mine.
It was then I realized that mom and I had grown so apart politically. She takes the Government (capital G intended) and trusts whatever it says. Especially since the presidential election of 2000, I have trained myself to look at the real-world implications of government actions and try to figure out who is really being served. And more often than not, it's whomever has the most money or power.
Instead of pointing this out to Mom right then and there, I reminded her that, just six months after our official wedding -- on my birthday, no less, the Supreme Court of California declared all those same sex unions null and void. She had no reaction whatsoever. You could practically see the "Does Not Compute" scroll past her eyes.
Mom still recognizes our City Hall wedding as our anniversary, and I feel badly even casting her in this light. She's a wonderful parent and loves Christopher like she loves my sister's husband. He's part of our family because she knows he's MY family, and so many other people in my situation don't have that.
Shouldn't I be happy with that?
Posted by kyle at 11:50 AM | Comments (2)
February 15, 2006
It's Okay to Skip Dessert
…especially if it’s carbonated.
Christopher and I celebrated eleven years of putting up with each other with another lovely meal two weeks back. Because we just spent a good deal of money at Christmas and since we’re ordering some new furniture, we decided a slightly more… austere… evening was in order, especially compared to last year.
It was my year to choose, so I chose a little neighborhood spot, since a place that fit that category was such a hit back in 2002. We hopped on BART, a confused Christopher wondering why we were on a Millbrae train, and got off in the quaint if foggy village of Glen Park and had a lovely meal at Chenery Park.
Surrounded by more senior citizens than at a Tuesday noontime opera lecture at the local public library, we had a really delicious meal served by a painfully cute waiter. The one dark spot was the bottle of wine we took. We thought we’d save on the check by only paying the $15 corkage fee. It turned out to be not so great, but a perusal of their wine list fixed that situation, if not the size of the bill.
Chenery Park specializes in fancier versions of ‘comfort food,’ so naturally we ordered their macaroni and cheese. It was delicious! Cut to several courses later, and I am full, yet still eyeing the dessert menu. When I saw that they had a Thomas Kemper Orange Cream Soda Float, I couldn’t resist.
It turns out that cocktails + wine + more, better wine + melted cheese and cream + scallops + one Thomas Kemper Orange Cream Soda Float = fucking unbelievable indigestion. And fucking unbelievable indigestion doesn’t really put one in an amorous mood, regardless of how big an anniversary it is. Burp!
Could my famous bottomless iron stomach be failing me?
Nah.
Posted by kyle at 11:36 AM
February 14, 2006
Kit watches the Olympics for you
Our pal Kit lives in a house of men… specifically her husband and her two sons, aged 8.5 and 11. They watch a lot of sports. When we visited them last summer, they were watching the Tour de France. You heard me… beautiful sunshine outdoors, a pool, toys, games… a bazillion distractions and Kit’s men were watching a bike race. The male of the species, ladies and gentlemen.
Here is the text of an e-mail Kit sent yesterday:
So okay, we rotted on the couch ALL DAY yesterday watching the Olympics…• Chad Hendrick (long track speed skating) is one of those HOT guys who really should NEVER say anything!
• Kid observation of the day (proof I live in a ‘boy house’): “Mom, I don’t think it is a good idea to have big parts if you do Luge…it makes you less aerodynamic!”* [This comment came out after watching a particularly well hung Italian do his run.]
As you can see, Kit is right about Hendrick. He’s a total Danny. Do I see a razor ad in his future? Samples of recorded interviews at the NBC website prove her second point. He strings cliché after cliché until he sounds like George W. at the State of the Union address. His teeth sure are white, though. Definitely a razor ad.
As for luging… I never was very good at it anyway.
---
* Obviously, I am "tm-ing" this statement right now.
Posted by kyle at 4:21 PM
February 3, 2006
Send in the Marines?
Who doesn’t get the gay obsession with military-types? The hyper-masculine bravery, the beauty of youth and physical fitness, the “touch-me” hairdos, the sexiness of the tough and/or stern – to say nothing of the costume opportunities!
This comes to mind because today I spotted what looked to be a bunch of… well, not exactly Marines, as they were really too young (they looked to be high school age) and they were in civvies. But they were definitely Marines. A couple of them were in dress uniforms and they had the requisite high-and-tight haircuts. They were setting up for and practicing in formation for what turned out to be a recruiting effort. They were definitely hotties… especially the one in the grey sweatshirt. You know who you are.
At first I had the typical reaction: ogle while appearing to be nonchalantly passing by, a skill honed by every gay man who has spent any time in the closet. After I passed I had a very different thought though: we’re at war and these guys could end up dead very soon, just for doing their job.
And for what?
FUCK YOU GEORGE BUSH.
There. Now I:
A) got that off my chest, and
2) got myself on the NSA’s new phone-tap list.
Posted by kyle at 1:24 PM
February 2, 2006
CSI: Customer Service Issues
It’s been a pretty tough week at work as regards customers complaining, often bitterly, about this, that or the other thing. In the midst of this, I had a revelation: 75% of customer service seems to be apologizing for things over which you either have no control over or aren’t the remotest bit responsible for.
The center of all these interactions seems to be empathizing with them and their situation, no matter how crazy or invented by them it is. Saying something like “I’m sorry… I know you’ve been waiting a long time,” or “I know that’s not the answer you were hoping for,” or “I understand why you’re disappointed – I would be too,” usually does it. That won’t work on everyone, but when you start out that way, and later they perceive that you’re put off by their bitchiness, they remember how nicely you started out and back off.
Think I could parlay this into a book deal?
Posted by kyle at 12:42 PM | Comments (1)