April 4, 2006
Cat sh*t, Bat sh*t
With apologies to the great George Carlin, I present my latest sh*tty comic review for the Queer Eye on Comics series over at the Prism Comics website.
Now in our second year, our editor David Stanley recently posted a fun retrospective where one of my favorite articles, a review of Rob Liefeld's Avengers #1 was singled out for it's qualities of cleverness. I did enjoy writing that one, but I have to say, I'm much more partial to the Wonder Woman #207. But what do I know. I just work here.
Those of you in the SF Bay Area are cordially invited to visit the Prism Comics booth at this weekend's Alternative Press Expo (APE) in the Concorse Exhibition Center, SoMa/Potrero/almost-Mission. Amazing comics, cute boys, and an incredible greasy spoon diner right across 7th Street... what more could a guy want from a weekend?
OK... maybe cake.
Posted by kyle at 4:28 PM
January 29, 2006
Let's Turn Back The Clock
Remember women's lib? Remember 'Mizz?' Remember equality for women in society? Well, I do... and so does Wonder Woman. Er, I mean... so did Wonder Woman.
Anyway, my latest review for the Queer Eye on Comics series at the wonderful Prism Comics website is up. See... I've been writing. I just haven't been writing much here. To my legions of fans I say... 'that's what archives are for.'
Posted by kyle at 8:12 AM
November 27, 2005
Support reviews of bad comics or the terrorists have already won.
Sometimes I write about food, sometimes I write about funny pictures, and sometimes, just sometimes, I write about comics. Bad comics. Read my latest Queer Eye on Comics review here.
Making fun of things you can't really create yourself is the American Way. Read my reviews or be declared Unpatriotic.
Posted by kyle at 1:05 AM
October 21, 2005
Jolan True 'dat.
A few years back, before I was broadcasting terabytes of crap into the blogosphere, I was broadcasting terabytes of crap into the e-mail list-o-sphere. The Gay League of America's Yahoo! Group got the bulk of my attention, being a home for gay comics fans who like to hold forth on pressing issues like how badly the latest issue of Avengers sucked and the finer points of the "Zatanna's Top Hat vs. Zatanna's Lobster Hat" debate.
I recently had an occasion to go to the group's archives and search for an old post I wrote (more on that later), and that had me looking for another favorite post of mine. Someone had asked me which my favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation were. As most know, I joined the Trek bandwagon relatively late (circa 1992... it first aired in 1987), but once I fell, I fell hard. Instead of just rattling off a quick list, I type-A'd out a breakdown of my favorites by theme, and then my all-time top picks, complete with links to the official StarTrek.com episode guide.
What better place to preserve that than here where my ego knows only the bounds of the memory in Harold's server? Here then is a re-printing of my post of Fri Feb 1, 2002. Thanks to my pal John, I know own the whole TNG series on DVD, so maybe I'll do myself up a little film fest some rainy day at home. Who's in?
=====================
I dig time travel and alternate universe stories, and TNG had some greats...
Time Squared - Season 2
Trek has done a ton of time travel stories, but this I think was the first
TNG story. A shuttle with a dying Picard shows up outside the ship... but
Picard is right there! Turns out he's from 6 hours in the future, and the
crew has to figure out what sent him there and destroyed the ship before
time catches up with them.
Remember Me - Season 4
I always loved the Beverly Crusher eps, especially after she stopped looking
like a clown with PMS in that first season. This one has her trapped in a
world where people keep disappearing, and the only one who can save her is
her then-disarmingly adorable son, Wesley. Awwww.
Future Imperfect - Season 4
Sort of a time-travel episode, where Riker gets zapped, and wakes up in Sick
Bay to find 16 years have passed and he is Captain of the Enterprise. A
really twisty turny ride where you never know what to expect... which is a
hallmark of the episodes that Frakes directs. Plus we get a peek at the
future look of Starfleet communicator badges!
Clues - Season 4
The whole crew gets zapped and are out for 30 seconds. But why is Data
covering up the fact that they were out for a much longer time? A great
mystery that keeps you wondering up until the very end. A great episode for
first time Trek watchers!
Cause and Effect - Season 5
Any episode that begins with the ship being blown to bits has my vote! When
the ship is whole again after the first commercial break, you realize
something is up... guess what? Time Travel! A neat neat story, and the
solution they come up with is equally cool. And look! Kelsey Grammer as a
Kirk-era captain!
Time's Arrow, Parts 1 & 2 - Season 5-6
Time Travel! Yay! Guinan and Data's head in 19th Century San Francisco!
Yay! And a very very logical reason for Picard to finally go on an away
mission. Yaaaaay! Definitely a favorite.
Timescape - Season 6
More time stuff... and a mystery to solve to boot! Picard, Data and Troi
return to the ship in a runabout, only to discover the Enterprise exploding
and a Romulan Warbird firing... all frozen in time. What the?
Parallels - Season 7
What's the next best thing to time travel? Why, alternate universes of
course! Seeing all the alternate versions of the crew and whatnot was great
fun, and trying to figure out what the hell was going on was even better.
One of the greats!
=====================
Mysteries that we as viewers have to puzzle out get me pretty excited, too.
Moody, spooky episodes that keep you on the edge of your seat...
Conspiracy - Season 1
Absolutely the coolest ep of the first season, Riker and the gang discover a
race of little crab/hellgrammite type aliens have taken over Starfleet
command. In the absolutely grossest gross-out moments of grossness, Riker
almost has to eat the crunchy bug things the aliens make their host bodies
eat, but he phasers the Starfleet Admiral who is host to the Mother
creature, and his body explodes with mucous and alien parts and human parts.
Blech! Cool!
Data's Day - Season 4
I love slice-of-lifers and this one is classically written. Data has to
convince Miles and Keiko to get married. Plus a Romulan murder mystery and
Dr. Crusher tap-dances! Woo hoo!
Night Terrors - Season 4
"Eyes in the dark. One moon circles." What is the answer to this riddle?
With everyone in the crew slowly losing their minds, it's up to Troi figure
everything out. Bonus: Troi's rump-up floating in the astral plane.
Wheeee!
Schisms - Season 6
Suuuuper spooky episode featuring alien abduction and experimentation on the
crew. The scene in the holodeck when all the apparent abductees are
reconstructing the room where they were dissected is extra creepy.
Phantasms - Season 7
Data has nightmares of being disassembled, Crusher drinks from a straw
stuck in Riker's skull and Troi turns into a delicious cellular peptide cake
with mint frosting. Hilarity ensues in this actually pretty creepy episode.
Genesis - Season 7
Picard and Data battle a crew all devolved into earlier forms of life.
DeannaFish! Ogawa the Orangutan! Worf the big scary thing... and in scene
that made me jump out of my freakin' skin... Barclay the Spider-thing!
Bleah! This one is really really scary!
=====================
And of course, there are some episodes that are great just for the beefcake
factor alone...
Ensigns of Command - Season 3
Data tries to convince a colony of humans to leave before an alien race
destroys them "reclaiming" the planet as their territory. I really only
like this one, because the rebellious leader of the colony, named Gosheven,
is totally sexy.
Captain's Holiday - Season 3
Picard in a Speedo. Make it so.
The Drumhead - Season 4
Evil Admiral Satie bitches her way through this episode trying to find some
imagined traitor aboard ship. The real reason to watch... the adorable and
oh-so-tender half-human half-Romulan Crewman Simon Tarses. *sigh...*
I, Borg - Season 5
Finally a "human" face put on the Borg... and what a cute face it is:
Jonathan Del Arco as Third of Five, aka "Hugh." So what if he's got chalky,
dry skin and a pincher that comes out of his skull... I think he's
*dreamy*...
Bloodlines - Season 7
Two words: Jason Vigo. Purrrrrrrr....
=====================
And I can't forget my fightin' femmes fatale...
Ensign Ro - Season 5
Just because it introduced one of my favorite characters, Ro Laren. We
learn that Bajorans use their family name first -- I've always thought that
was a cool aspect. Dunno why. I've heard they wanted Ro to be the Bajoran
cast member on DS9, but the actress had no interest in it, so they went with
Nana Visitor's Kira Nerys. I think things worked out well, don't you?
Disaster - Season 5
Though it also features Ro Laren, Troi ends up taking charge in this very
cool story where the crew is separated in three parts of the ship, and
Deanna has to step up to the plate, despite that negative Nelly Ro.
The Game - Season 5
An alien video game takes over the crew... but the best bit is Wesley and
Ashley Judd as Robin Lefler saving the day. That Ashley! She sure is a
cutie! (This episode almost belongs in the beefcake category owing to how sexy Riker is when he first plays the game. His reaction when the pleasure centers of his brain are stimulated is almost indescribably hot. The tight shot on his face makes sure you have a front row seat. Mm! Thank you director Corey Allen!)
Face of the Enemy - Season 6
My gurrrl Troi kicks some aaayyusss! Seeing that opening scene of her
catching a glimpse of her Romulan-ized face is priceless.
Sub Rosa - Season 7
Beverly inherits a haunted house in Scotland... er, I mean, some planet that
looks a lot like Scotland. An alien phantom lover who does her right! A
cute ep for the interplay between Bev and Deanna, and Beverly looks aMAYzing
in it. Love the hair, but you're boyfriend's so shallow I can see through
him.
=====================
And of course, some are just plain well-told tales...
The Best of Both Worlds, Parts 1 & 2 - Season 3 - 4
The first cross-season cliffhanger/season premiere two-parter for Trek.
Locutus of Borg, Wolf 359, and a story that would effect the Trek universe
for years to come. A milestone!
Family - Season 4
In this follow-up episode to "The Best of Both Worlds," the now de-Borg'd Picard goes back to France to visit his brother and hopefully come to terms with what he became and did as Locutus of Borg. His brother isn't very sympathetic, but it turns out it's just what Picard needs. If ever you needed proof that Patrick Stewart is a great actor, see this episode.
A Fistful of Datas - Season 6
Of all the many episodes that showed off the amazing talent of Brent Spiner,
this one has to be one of my favorites. Spiner plays _several_ characters
here, and you're always convinced they are Data with different programming.
Favorite line: TROI: "You're supPOSED to call me 'Durango!'"
Second Chances - Season 6
Two Rikers for the price of one in this actually very moving story. I also
find the physics behind it quite interesting.
Attached - Season 7
Crusher and Picard are on the run on an alien world that looks a lot like
the desert outside LA, and are linked by devices in their brains. They hear
each other's thoughts and Beverly discovers more than just what Jean-Luc
wants for breakfast. Shame on you!
Lower Decks - Season 7
We practically get to see a whole new cast, as we explore the lives of the
ship's Junior officers, including future Voyager crew member Taurik (later
called Vorik), Nurse Ogawa, the sweet Sito Jaksa from "The First Duty" and
the roguish and undeniably sexy Sam Lavelle (rrrrrooowwl). A very nice
story that doesn't exactly end happily, but great performances are given by
all.
Thine Own Self - Season 7
Data is trapped on a primitive planet with no memory of who he is. A peek
into what science around the time of the Renaissance must have been like is
quite interesting, and this "first contact" story is very well told.
=====================
Finally, in descending order, here are my TNG Top Six:
# 6 ) Tapestry - Season 6
My favorite of all the Q episodes, who I usually find pretty annoying.
Picard discovers that one's life is like a tapestry... tug one thread that
you don't like, and everything else comes unraveled. The lesson: you *are*
the sum of your parts -- and more. A real journey of self-discovery told in
a perfectly touching way. Five stars!
# 5 ) Darmok - Season 5
An amazing story, and well well told. Picard is abducted by a race of
aliens with a language deemed untranslatable. In the end, the unbelievably
clever Picard manages to figure out how the language works, but will he be
in time to save relations between the two races? LOVE the ending of this
where the aliens officially accept a new term into their language. A
brilliant look at why universal translators won't always work.
# 4 ) Chain of Command, Parts 1 & 2 - Season 6
You want drama? You want acting? You want Picard stripped to the waist and
sweaty? YOU GOT IT! Some really fine acting here by all involved. Captain
Jellico makes for a great villain-who's-really-a-good-guy, and you just
really really hate those Cardassians.
# 3 ) Yesterday's Enterprise - Season 3
Time travel, pathos, alternate universes, great lighting, hot costumes,
subtle acting, a tie to past continuity and the icing on the cake: the sexy
sexy Castillo. This one's got it all! I especially love the return of
Denise Crosby and how her character handles the events.
# 2 ) All Good Things, Parts 1 & 2 - Season 7
The big finale! I don't know about you, but I think this has to be one of
this show's shining moments. An intricate tale with lots of
characterization, just enough special effects sequences, ties to the entire
continuity of the show, and a beautiful ending that summed up all that was
good about the show to begin with. The finales of DS9 and VOYAGER were OK,
but didn't hold a candle to this one. This is the kind of final show every
fan wishes for. Thanks Paramount!
# 1 ) The Inner Light - Season 5
An alien probe implants the memories of an entire lifetime of one man's life
into Picard, who is forever changed by the experience. Wonderfully written,
and tenderly acted by Patrick Stewart. TV at its finest, really.
=====================
"Goodbye, Jean-Luc. I'm gonna miss you... you had such potential. But then again, all good things must come to an end.."
- Q
Posted by kyle at 5:20 PM | Comments (2)
September 16, 2005
Man and He-Man
Tip for identifying bad comics: If they have to tell you it's awesome, it probably isn't.
Another one of my amazingly insightful yet precociously biting bad comics reviews for Queer Eye on Comics is going to be posted this Sunday on the ever-popular Prism Comics website. You, however, can sneak a pre-performance peek at this gem by clicking here.
I promise that I read good comics, too. I should really write about those once and a while. Wish I had some kind of easily updatable, on-line vehicle to which I could post my comics reviews and musings. Too bad all I've got is this pointless blog. Oh well.
Posted by kyle at 1:33 PM
July 20, 2005
A sad day for geekdom
When I was a wee laddie and first started becoming seriously obsessed with comic books, I remember distinctly the time in which I started to notice the names of the people who were making these books: Dick Dillin, Neal Adams, John Romita, Jr., Bill Sienkiewicz (yes I had to look up the spelling... again), Alan Davis, George Perez, Art Adams, John Byrne, Marv Wolfman, Joe Kubert and so many others.
Among these names was Jim Aparo, a long time artist with DC who had a VERY distinctive style, love it or leave it. I was one of the former, and even forgave him for The Nuclear Family and the Force of July in The Outsiders, though I still think Looker's 'costume' in that same book should have seen him face charges of some kind.
The angular look of his characters' bodies, especially their eyes and headgear (see Batman's cowl) was just very appealing to me, especially since I could easily identify his work at a young age.
I just learned that Aparo died today at age 72. That's one less comics legend, people! Get your lock of Stan Lee's hair while you can... I think he's still auctioning them off on eBay. Kidding. But not really.
Another death that took me by surprise today was that of James Doohan, aka "Scotty" from the original Star Trek series (or, for those non-Trekkers who read my blog, TOS). Talk about a double whammy! Naturally, the TOS cast likely had no clue what a phenomenon the show would become, but played along like troopers, Doohan included.
I'll never forget seeing him in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, picking up the computer mouse and using it like a microphone. "ComPUterrr...!" Plus, in that same movie, he uttered a line that C'pher and I used to say to each other when we first started dating: "Cap'n... there be WHALES here!" Who knows why, but we thought it was funny, and said it heaps. Probably because C is such a Scotophile (that's definitely not as dirty as it sounds).
Perhaps my favorite Scotty moment in Trek was the ep of TNG (The Next Generation) he was on, Relics. Scotty is discovered alive after 75 years in a transporter loop he put himself in after a ship he was on crashed onto the surface of a Dyson Sphere.
After he uses his not-inconsiderable engineering knowledge to help rescue the Enterprise-D from the same fate the old ship he was on, they give him a shuttle and let him free to explore the universe at his leisure. He got to literally ride off into the sunset.
It's a sad day to be a geek. I'm definitley busting out my TNG Season 6 box set tonight. I'll have to save digging out those old issues of The Brave and The Bold for another time, though... they're all the way in the back of the closet.
Posted by kyle at 4:03 PM | Comments (1)
July 10, 2005
Not your parents' Ninja
Leave the pans at the neighbor's the kids in the sink; my latest masterpiece for the Queer Eye on Comics coulmn for Prism Comics is going to be posted soon. For the sneakiest of previews, peep dis.
In other comics news, a brand new comics shop has opened up in Hayes Valley... practically on my way home from work. Isotope used to be located in the hinterland of SF's Outer Sunset, but now they've moved to what is quickly becoming one of the coolest neighborhoods in town. It's a great great store, and looks amazing. The staff there is incredible and really go out of their way for the customers. I highly reccommend a visit.
Because of this, I have already bought my first bunch of comics in almost a year, and have read some great stuff. Now readers of my blog might actually discover what my real taste in comics is. Hint: it's not Ninja #1.
Posted by kyle at 12:25 AM
May 5, 2005
Bottoms Up: A Preview
As regular visitors to these pages will know, I am a contributor to a regular feature on the Prism Comics website, Queer Eye on Comics. My latest offering is scheduled to show up on the site this coming Sunday, but you can get a sneak peek at it right now.
I wasn't sure I'd even have this one ready in time. I literally banged this baby out in like three hours on Tuesday night before Christopher came home. I think it's pretty funny, though, so it looks like I work well under pressure after all.
Welp, I'm off to build the Great Wall of China, if you'll exuse me.
Posted by kyle at 3:02 PM
March 6, 2005
Shooting Fish in a Barrel
Oh splurp! My latest review for the Queer Eye on Comics series is up on the Prism website. You can read it here, if you are mildly amused by someone poking fun of comics written for innocent 1960s pre-teens. What can I say -- my comics diet lately just doesn't include enough stinkers.
Posted by kyle at 11:01 AM | Comments (2)
February 17, 2005
Bad Comics: They're not just for birdcage liner anymore
For about a year now, I've been writing comics reviews for a feature on the Prism Comics website called Queer Eye on Comics. Prism is an organization I became involved in a few years ago when I helped to produce a couple of the issues of their guide to queer folks working in comics. Sorry if you don't like the word 'queer,' but I'm simply not typing GLBTQQ. Damn. I just did.
The goal of the feature is, of course, to be funny in the way that only sophisticated, acerbically witty, self-absorbed gay men and women can be, and to turn those attentions toward the comic books we love and loathe. To make it easy on myself, I decided mainly to write about really bad comics. It's hard to poke fun at Watchmen, but any work of Rob Liefeld's practically screams, "Hey, look! I'm so sucky, I'm like a black hole of suckiness! I suck all the quality from all the comics you store near me! Leave me unattended, and your Berlin TPB will be transformed into the complete run of New Guardians."
Here is my problem, though. Since we bought the condo, I really haven't been reading comics much at all, and when I do, they are Lyle's that I have borrowed, or else a set of a very select few that I buy... and we're talking select. The days of me blowing $20 on dross like Identity Crisis are over. "Aaaah! That pain in my head! Jean Loring, get the f**k out of there! Seriously!"*
So now, having sold or given away bunches of comics I didn't like, I'm now left with only the good stuff, and how can you poke fun at the good stuff? I have an article due next week, and the closest I can get is something on Dork, Evan Dorkin's series. How can you be funny about something that's already freakin' hilarious?
::sigh:: If only I hadn't ripped that issue of Transmetropolitan to shreds....
Here are links to some of the "Queer Eye" articles I have written:
The Dark Knight Strikes Again... and misses the proverbial broad side of the barn.
"The Secret Lives of Superman" did not apparently include his one-time only back-waxing in Kandor.
"The Secret Lives of Superman," Part Deux.
Rob Leifeld's Avengers #1 is easily my finest work, and maybe his, too.
Crimson Plague, or "When Good Artists Believe Their Own Hype"
The Power Company, or "Despite His Best Intentions"
---
* That Jean Loring joke is a shout-out to my homeslice, Stephen B., aka "Andrea Brown." Look out for Jean, Stephen... I know you used to date that professor from Ivytown.
Posted by kyle at 2:40 PM | Comments (3)