Kyle Minor

March 18, 2006

Unbloggable

HO-kay. Just because I haven't been posting doesn't mean I haven't been writing, right? This is our busiest time of the year at work, and since my evenings are mostly spoken for, my blogging time has been seriously curtailed these past several weeks.

Nevertheless, I have started and not completed many posts, and my Idea Bank is always full to bursting. So watch this space as I complete and post several of these, which may or may not be post-dated. Those of you who use Bloglines will know when new stuff gets posted, but the rest will just have to troll along.

I am spurred to these actions since I've recently heard from no fewer than two old friends who have somehow stumbled across my little corner of cyber-vanity.

My cousin Bryan back in West Virginia, who works for a Catholic university, actually attended one, posted the funniest comment to the most recent Found Porn entry, saying:

...since I still work for the Holy Roman Empire, I'd say 98% of my fund raising job is to apologize for things I have no clue about.

Bryan, while it's nice to hear someone involved with the Church of Rome ask for forgiveness of the rest of us once in a while, you don't have to apologize. I'm glad, though, that you are backing up my theory of Customer Service. Plus, you remind me how much Found Porn I have collected. That's a good thing.

Meanwhile, the ever-lovely Kari found this site via another college friend. Trish, Kari and all my favorite Alpha Gams... what great memories have been brought up knowing you guys have read my ramblings. Doesn't Wesleyan's new president look like someone's Mom or fifth grade teacher?

Thanks for the nice compliments on how I look, but you'll notice that my hair is very different. Above, I am seen in my Reese Witherspoon wig, which I wear on special occasions, like Laundry Day.

Just kidding of course. I'm going bald bald bald. I think it's God's punishment for making fun of Catholics so much.

Posted by kyle at 12:02 PM | Comments (1)

February 14, 2006

Kit watches the Olympics for you

Our pal Kit lives in a house of men… specifically her husband and her two sons, aged 8.5 and 11. They watch a lot of sports. When we visited them last summer, they were watching the Tour de France. You heard me… beautiful sunshine outdoors, a pool, toys, games… a bazillion distractions and Kit’s men were watching a bike race. The male of the species, ladies and gentlemen.

Here is the text of an e-mail Kit sent yesterday:

So okay, we rotted on the couch ALL DAY yesterday watching the Olympics…

• Chad Hendrick (long track speed skating) is one of those HOT guys who really should NEVER say anything!

• Kid observation of the day (proof I live in a ‘boy house’): “Mom, I don’t think it is a good idea to have big parts if you do Luge…it makes you less aerodynamic!”* [This comment came out after watching a particularly well hung Italian do his run.]

As you can see, Kit is right about Hendrick. He’s a total Danny. Do I see a razor ad in his future? Samples of recorded interviews at the NBC website prove her second point. He strings cliché after cliché until he sounds like George W. at the State of the Union address. His teeth sure are white, though. Definitely a razor ad.

As for luging… I never was very good at it anyway.

---

* Obviously, I am "tm-ing" this statement right now.

Posted by kyle at 4:21 PM

December 22, 2005

The Goose is Getting Fa... er, Big Boned

My kitchen and I have been spending a lot of time together lately. I enjoy cooking in general and baking in particular. I now have what I think is a pretty kick-ass kitchen, subscriptions to both Everyday Food and Cooks Illustrated, as well as a hefty collection of cookbooks. I get the monthly e-newsletters from King Arthur Flour. Friends and co-workers share their favorites and ones they've always wanted to try. I leaf through relatives' recipe boxes. I clip recipes -- even the craptastic ones from inside the Stouffers Creamed Chipped Beef boxes. It's a sickness, really.

So when it came to this year's holidays, I decided I was going to do some serious damage in the aforementioned kick-ass kitchen. First came Thanksgiving, which I'm going to save for a later post (embarrassing that Nicole managed to blog about our most excellent feast before I did), so that leaves us with the Granddaddy of them all:

Christopher and I have thrown an annual Christmas party (yes, Bill O'Reilly... it IS a Christmas party. Happy now? I didn't think so.), but one that we've lived in San Francisco. We are seriously into Christmas. The food, the music, the decorations, the food, the merriment, the decorations, the food, the... well, you see where I'm going. We typically invite many many wonderful folks, who often in turn bring many many wonderful folks, so the party gets pretty large, and that suits us just fine.

Back in the day, I used to get laid off for the entire month of December, which meant I had plenty of time to devote to party prep, so the food and plans have gotten more and more elaborate over the years. I actually had to take an unpaid week at work this year, so I took the whole week before the party off -- and I baked. I hope I don't get a bunch of stoner-hits from Google from that last sentence.

I'm not the kind of cook who can pull things together off the cuff. I need a schedule. It doesn't have to be complicated, but it does have to be there. Otherwise, I won't accomplish anything. Cookie baking started in the early part of the week and continued throughout. I finished the last of them on Friday. All savory dishes were done the day before or the day of the party. The schedule worked out so well, that I even had time to throw together an extra item I wasn't planning on. Also, I watched almost all of season 2 of Once And Again, and totally bawled at the end of the last disc. I ask you: am I gay or what?

So... now for the main event. Here's what was on the menu (recipes continue below):

SAVORY
Baked Brie
Chevre with Rosemary-Infused Olive Oil
Puff Pastry Rolls:
• Salami, Whole Grain Mustard, & Parmesan
• Pesto, Sun-dried Tomato, & Mozzarella
• Ground Lamb, Dijon Mustard & Feta
Spinach Bread
Tomato-Pistachio Spread
Hot Artichoke Dip
Cheeses & Crackers
Sliced Baguettes
Crudités, Hummus and Eggplant Spread

SWEET
Christmas Cut-Out Cookies with 'Buttercream' Icing
All Butter Cut-Out Cookies with Royal Icing
Chocolate Peppermint Swirl
Key Lime Sparklers
Profiteroles with Easy Mousse
Coconut Cookies
Chocolate Sherry Balls
Molasses Cookies
Sticky Toffee Pudding

TO DRINK
Champagne Punch
Pitchers of Cocktails:
• Margaritas
• Cosmopolitans
• Mojitos
Various other hard liquors for mixing
OJ, Cranberry, and Grapefruit Juices
Wine (Red, White and Sparkling)
Beer
Coke, Diet, 7-Up, Ginger Ale, Tonic
Sparkling Water
Coffee (with Baileys)

Obviously with all that, plus many guests arriving with festive treats of their own devising (including Hebrew Bazooka bubble gum), a good, if rather filling, time was had by all. Our floors gained no new stiletto marks this year, and despite an off-the-hook phone (and I don't mean that in the "Wow, that phone is Off The Hook, Bra!" way), and an errant votive that decided to take a flying leap spreading molten destruction in it's wake (Sorry Eric, Carol, Pam and Cricket!), we really had no party fouls or foul-ups. To see official Holiday Photographer Bill Delaney's pictures from the event, click here. Thanks again Bill!

Crank up that iTunes Smart Playlist with 20+ hours of Christmas party music. I'll say it: Best. Christmas. Ever.

BAKED BRIE

This is the simplest dish ever. Thaw out the frozen puff pastry (usually very easy to find), roll it out to a bigger size, toss the cheese on there fold it all up, egg wash, bake and BAM. You're fancy. I usually "top" the brie wheel with whatever extra something I happen to have, just for that little extra surprise when it finally gets cut into. I cannot stress how impressed people are when you manage the simple feat of wrapping and baking cheese. They especially love it when you use a cookie cutter or something to cut a pattern out of the excess dough to put on top. Fancy fancy fancy.

1 sheet frozen puff-pastry, pre-packaged
flour for dusting
1 (8 oz.) wheel of Brie
1 egg yolk lightly beaten with a Tablespoon of water
¼ or so dried cranberries (optional)

Defrost puff pastry sheet to room temperature, 15-20 minutes. Partway through, check to see if it is flexible enough, and unfold to defrost the whole way.

Pre-heat oven to 400º.

Lightly flour a work surface (I often use parchment or waxed paper taped down to the counter) and roll out the pastry just a little, to ensure smoothness. Pick a spot in the center of the pastry and lay down the cranberries (or whatever topping you use, if you use one).

Place brie wheel atop cranberries in the center. Lightly score a circular shape around the brie, allowing space all the way around that will encase the brie entirely; about 3-4 inches. Using a sharp knife or a pizza cutter, cut the circle of dough out, and set the rest aside.

Fold the circle of dough up and all around the brie. Seal where necessary with a touch of the egg wash. Carefully invert onto a parchment-lined baking sheet, so that the folded side is down. Use a cookie cutter to cut a design out of the excess dough and place it on the dough, or just cut out pieces to decorate the top in your own way. Brush lightly with egg wash, avoiding getting too much on the baking sheet.

Bake for 15-20 minutes. Allow to stand at least 30 minutes before serving.

This may be assembled up to two days before the party and refrigerated (covered) until time to bake. Add egg wash just before putting into oven, not before.

If you prefer, you can "top" the cheese with fresh parsley or other herbs, minced garlic, buttered and spiced pecans or walnuts, toasted slivered almonds, apricot jam, or whatever you think sounds good.

CHEVRE WITH ROSEMARY-INFUSED OLIVE OIL

This has been a favorite of ours since our pal Elaine shared the idea with us several years ago. It's yummy, easy, and can be made well ahead of time. In fact, it should definitely be made at least the night before the party, so all the flavors have time to really combine. We usually use a log of chevre, but you could use whatever form you find, I'm sure.

1 roll (about 6 oz) of fresh goat cheese (chevre) at room temperature
2-3 Tablespoons rosemary-infused olive oil (recipe follows)
2-4 garlic gloves, finely minced
about 1 Tablespoon minced fresh rosemary
2-4 sprigs fresh rosemary for garnish
Fresh ground pepper to taste (optional)

Lay rosemary sprigs in a shallow container with an airtight lid. Spread minced garlic on a medium plate. Unwrap cheese and roll in garlic. Place cheese on rosemary sprigs. Drizzle with infused olive oil. Sprinkle with minced rosemary and add pepper. Cover and refrigerate overnight. Bring to room temperature before serving with crackers or bread.

ROSEMARY-INFUSED OLIVE OIL

You can buy this stuff plenty easily, but it's almost never cheap. I found this simple recipe on the rather dubious RecipeSource.com, but it seemed to work for me just fine. The microwaving seems to serve two purposes: it speeds up the infusion process (which, without cooking can really take weeks), and it also kills bacteria in the ingredients so you can keep and use the excess for a few days after. Beware, though... the botulism bacteria loves garlic! It's a little on the spicy side thanks to the red pepper flakes, but I think you could leave those out with no harm to the final product. I also think other herbs would work in this recipe as well.

½ cup olive oil
1 longish strip of lemon peel
2 cloves of garlic, peeled and crushed
2 teaspoons fresh rosemary, roughly chopped
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes

Combine all ingredients and microwave on high for 1 minute, 15 seconds. Let cool. Cover and refrigerate overnight. Bring to room temperature before serving.

PUFF PASTRY ROLLS

Recently, Christopher and I were having dinner with an colleague of his from work named Kay. Soon the subject of our Christmas bash came up, and she asked what we were serving. At that point, we were planning on doing another fabulous tray of tasties from the most excellent La Mediterranee like we did last year. Kay, though, presented me with an idea I couldn't pass up. It was easy, cheap, and we'd already have some of the ingredients: filled Puff Pastry rolls.

Kay's first suggestion was to roll out the puff pastry dough to a nice sized rectangle and top it first with Dijon mustard, and then a layer of salami, finished with a sprinkling of fresh parmigiano. Salivating, I decided I'd do it right then and there. I figured I'd get two packages of the frozen puff pastry, which each have two sheets in them. I'd use one for the Brie, and have three more.

The salami one would be the first. At dinner that night we came up with an idea for #2: pesto, chopped sun-dried tomatoes and shredded part-skim mozzarella (aka Pizza Cheese). Not too long after that, Christopher and I were having an impromptu lunch at the delicious new French place on Valencia, Garcon (which took the home of the late lamented Alma). Garcon was 'fantastique' to say the least, as was the Merguez lamb sausage sandwich on a baguette with Dijon mustard that I gobbled up. Right then and there, I knew what I'd put in that third pastry: lamb. I decided on grainy mustard for the salami one so I could use the Dijon on the lamb.

Remember earlier when I said how easy is usually is to find puff pastry sheets? Well, it seems many local merchants have been having, and I quote, "trouble with [their] supplier" lately, and so all of a sudden it became rather rare. We finally did track some down. I've since discovered that work-friend and fellow cook Beverlee has a way around this problem: she takes the puff pastry shells, which are pre-scored to puff up into little bowls when baked, thaws them out and rolls them out again, just like a normal dough. Wish I'd thought of that!

SALAMI & PARMESAN PUFF PASTRY ROLLS
1 sheet frozen puff-pastry, pre-packaged
flour for dusting
¼ cup or so of whole-grain mustard
½ cup or so of shredded fresh parmesan cheese
½ pound or so of hard salami, sliced thinly
1 egg yolk lightly beaten with a Tablespoon of water

Defrost puff pastry sheet to room temperature, 15-20 minutes. Partway through, check to see if it is flexible enough, and unfold to defrost the whole way.

Pre-heat oven to 400º.

Lightly flour a work surface and roll out the pastry in the same rectangle it comes in until it is about half again as big as it was. You want the dough thinner, but not so thin that it rips or can't hold together.

With a sharp knife or a pizza wheel, rim away the rough edges until you have a rectangle. Leaving about a 2 inch border to the edge of the dough, spread the mustard evenly on the pastry. Sprinkle the cheese over the mustard. Lay the salami down over the cheese and mustard in a single layer. It's OK of the edges overlap a little.

Starting at one of the short ends of the rectangle, gently and quickly roll the pastry and toppings in a tight roll. Once you reach the end border, brush a little of the egg wash and then finish rolling. Pinch together ends and fold them under the roll and seal with a little more egg wash.

Place the roll on a lined baking sheet, seam side down. Lightly brush with egg wash. Bake for 15-20 minutes. Let stand another 10-15 minutes before slicing and serving. You can assemble the roll the day before the party and refrigerate, covered. If you do, do not apply the egg wash to the roll until just before you bake it.

Other variations include:

LAMB & FETA PUFF PASTRY ROLLS
¼ cup or so of Dijon mustard
1 lb of ground lamb, cooked with hot paprika, oregano, and a little red pepper flake; cooled and undrained
½ cup or so crumbled feta cheese

SUN-DRIED TOMATO & PESTO PUFF PASTRY ROLLS
¼ cup or so of prepared pesto sauce
3/4 cup or so roughly chopped sun-dried tomatoes (the pre-chopped kind sold in jars in oil are fine)
½ cup or so shredded part-skim mozzarella

SPINACH BREAD

This was my first experience in working with a yeast bread, and it turned out fine, though I think it would have been a little better served with dinner than as a party finger food. It was super bready, and rather garlicky, so if you like that stuff, you'd like this. It certainly got eaten at the party!

I was a little hesitant when the aforementioned Kay (who gave me the idea for the puff pastry rolls) told me you start this bread with something called 'Pillsbury Hot Roll Mix,' but then I figured it's just pre-measured flour and stuff, so it's probably just fine. I mean, I don't turn up my nose at Bisquick, right? Why should I eschew this fine mix, which had it's own package of Red Star Quick Yeast included. All that said, I'm sure the magic of the mix could be easily duplicated with the contents of most bakers' pantries.

The funniest part of this dish was the amount of spinach we ordered to fix it. Somehow, when we filled out the Safeway.com delivery, we ordered a 2 lb. bag of fresh spinach. This bag was nearly as big as Rhode Island. We are still trying to make a dent in it, and it's nearly three weeks after we got it. Look for spinach cookies in your stocking from me this year. They are very high in fiber and oh so festive.

1 box 'Hot Roll Mix'
1 cup warm water
1 egg
flour for dusting
2 cups fresh spinach
2 large cloves garlic, minced
Olive oil for brushing
Fleur de Sel (or another coarse salt) for sprinkling

Prepare dough according to package directions. Before preparing it for it's final rising stage, work the dough into a long, flattish tube. Sprinkle first with garlic, then a little Fleur de Sel, and then press spinach into it, folding the dough over itself so the dough is covered. Form dough into a ring and sit out for final rise. Bake according to package directions.

Once out of the oven, brush with olive oil and sprinkle with Fleur de Sel. Allow to sit for 5-10 minutes. Slice and serve warm or at room temperature.

TOMATO-PISTACHIO SPREAD

This was easily Christopher's favorite thing I made, and it was an afterthought. I had finished and cleaned up from one of the baking projects, and was waiting for C'pher to be ready to run an errand with me. I knew I had about 45 minutes to make something and clean up, and I happened to turn to a dog-eared page in the fabulous Everyday Food and discovered a Tomato-Almond spread I had wanted to try. I looked at the ingredient list and I had everything... except Almonds. Undaunted, I pulled down the bag of Trader Joe's Roasted Pistachio Nutmeats (no shell means no work!), gathered the rest and got that food processor to blazing. A half-hour later and I had a very very tasty, slightly sweet and nutty spread that went great with crackers and baguette alike.

The recipe calls for you to toast blanched almonds, but my pistachios were already roasted, so I skipped that step. Also, the pistachios were unsalted (Christopher must have been crazy or something), and so I added twice the amount of salt than the recipe called for -- hey, I like salt. I think if you used a salted nut, you could cut back. Use your judgment. Salt is easy to add, even after the fact, but notoriously hard to remove short of a full-scale evaporation of all the other ingredients. Since that powerful a sun-lamp will likely be busy down at Tropical Tanz & Nail Salon, just add a little at a time to taste.

3/4 cup roasted unsalted pistachio nutmeats
1 (14 oz) can whole peeled tomatoes
1 Tablespoon paprika (hot if you have it, though sweet is OK too)
1 Tablespoon balsamic vinegar
2 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons coarse salt
½ teaspoon red pepper flake
¼ cup olive oil

Drain the can of tomatoes, and squeeze each one to remove the seeds. Add tomatoes to a food processor along with the all remaining ingredients except the olive oil. Process until nuts are finely ground and mixture is well combined. With the processor motor running, add the olive oil in a slow stream until a paste forms. Refrigerate overnight and up to one week. Try this recipe with roasted blanched almonds or another favorite salty nut. Makes ca. 1½ cups.

HOT ARTICHOKE DIP

If our Christmas Party menu is our paean to indulgent gastronomic excess, then Hot Artichoke Dip is white-trash jewel in the crown. Containing the better part of a jar of mayonnaise ('lite' works OK, too, though) and the only kind of parmesan cheese (yes, the canned kind) available in the rural Midwest for years, our version of this unbelievably delicious dish, which we got from Christopher's Aunt Kathy, has been kicked up the spiciness index, as is our wont. It just seems right.

Now, a warning: the amounts here are for a DOUBLE RECIPE. We very rarely make less than two batches. We recommend two medium-sized casserole dishes. I suppose you could bake this all in one large dish, but the deepness of the dip is one of the best things about it. Under NO circumstances should you throw away any leftovers after the party -- you will be sorry! It is yummy for days afterward and heats up well. Also, it never hurts to have a defibrillator on hand for any possible cardiac events.

2 (15 oz) cans of artichoke hearts, drained and roughly chopped
2 cups mayonnaise (light mayo is fine)
1 cup grated parmesan (the canned kind is more 'authentic,' but fresh is good, too)
1 (16 oz) bag shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
½ teaspoon garlic salt
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon hot paprika

Pre-heat oven to 350º F. Thoroughly mix all ingredients in a large bowl, reserving 1/2 cup mozzarella cheese and ½ teaspoon paprika. Distribute into two ungreased medium-sized oven-safe casserole dishes, and top with remaining mozzarella and paprika. Bake until bubby and heated through; about 30 minutes. Allow to set 5 minutes to cool slightly. Serve with strong crackers or sliced baguettes. Dip may be mixed, assembled and chilled up to a day ahead of time. Bring to room temperature before baking.

ALL-BUTTER CUT OUT COOKIES WITH ROYAL ICING

Regular watchers of this space may already know the joys of my absolute all-time favorite cookie recipe ever, the traditional Christmas Cut-Out Cookie with Buttercream Icing. The dough is a dream to work with (you would be too if you were full of Crisco*), only slightly sweet and very forgiving when either over- or under-baked (though given the choice, do under-bake them). Kudos to Emily for providing the forbidden silver dragees for this year's batch!

There's only one problem with these excellent treats: they aren't so very pretty. Oh, sure, they look very homey and rustic, and that's a great thing at Christmas. But years of looking at delicate and intricately decorated cut-out cookies left me wanting to try A) an all-butter cut-out cookie recipe, and 2) a batch of royal icing. Royal Icing, for those who don't know, is a relatively simple concoction of raw whipped egg whites and confectioners' sugar that goes on pretty smoothly and can, when used properly, create that gorgeous unbroken, smooth layer of icing you see in the magazines. Between my constant companion Everyday Food, and Martha Stewart Living magazine, I found both cookie and icing recipes (respectively) with no problem.

Here is what I discovered:
• Butter cookies, while delicious, are rather brittle unless they are rolled out very thickly (and are brittle even then), and don't taste a whole lot different than the tins of spritz butter cookies you can buy at any grocery store.
• Royal icing does make a prettier cookie with icing that is far less apt to get ruined, but the taste is just not up to the 'country buttercream' icing that I usually use.

All that said, the cookies came out fine and were a hit. I think if I ever got my hands on a cookie press, I might try this dough to make some spritz cookies of my own. As for Royal Icing, I think it might be fine for using on cookies made primarily as decorations, but for eating, I'm all about the classics.

* I am now only slightly regretting this phrasing.

3 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut in pieces
½ teaspoon salt
4 large egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla

Place flour, sugar, butter, and salt in the bowl of a food processor; process until mixture is the texture of coarse meal. In a small bowl, lightly beat egg yolks and vanilla; with motor running, add to food processor. Process just until a dough forms.

Divide dough in half; form into two 1/2-inch-thick disks. Wrap in plastic; chill until firm, at least 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 350°. On a piece of floured waxed paper, roll one disk to a thickness of 3/16 inch; chill. Repeat with remaining dough. Flouring cutters as you go (to prevent sticking), cut dough into desired shapes; carefully transfer to baking sheets. Re-chill rolled-out dough if difficult to work with.

If decorating before baking, brush with egg wash (1 large egg white beaten w/ 2 teaspoons water), then sprinkle with sugar or sprinkles. Bake until edges are firm (not brown), 15 to 20 minutes for 3-inch cookies. Cool 1 to 2 minutes on baking sheets; cool completely on a wire rack. Store finished cookies in an airtight container, up to 2 weeks. Makes about 30 cookies.

This dough can also be rolled into a log shape, chilled overnight, sliced and baked. It can also be used in a cookie press to make spritz cookies.

ROYAL ICING

The recipe I found called for some lemon juice, and I think that may have been part of what I didn't like so much. Not that it wasn't a good taste... it wasn't what I was hoping for in this case.

2 large egg whites
4 cups sifted confectioners'' sugar
Juice of 1 lemon

Beat the room-temperature whites in a large bowl until stiff but not dry. Add sugar and a little of the lemon juice, beat for 1 minute more. Add more lemon juice to thin icing if it is too thick, and more sugar if it is too thin. Add food coloring if desired. Fill piping bag with small tip to decorate cookies.

CHOCOLATE-MINT SWIRL COOKIES

I first made these really good-looking cookies last year when I got the recipe from the Food Network's '12 Days of Cookies' newsletter. For whatever reason, I decided to omit the mint extract in the recipe, and while they looked great, they really didn't taste like anything special for something that required a fair amount of extra effort.

This year I upped the ante: instead of your standard cocoa powder, I used some dark Dutch-process stuff (Valrhona to be exact... yes, it is worth it!), I added a little red food coloring to the 'vanilla' dough for a holiday flair, and the mint extract was in in in. The result was a great looking cookie that had a delicious Peppermint Pattie-type flavor.

Don't be daunted by the two-dough layering and rolling up process. It's a lot easier than it sounds, and once the rolled logs have chilled, the slice-n-bake aspect of these cookies just couldn't be easier. One should note, however, that you'll have to be able to get a cookie sheet (or something) full of flat, rolled-out, wax paper wrapped dough into your fridge for a couple of hours. My fridge has a great spot for this, but if I had tried it in my old fridge, I'm sure I would have had to do a bit of prep beforehand.

'Vanilla' Dough:
½ cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar
¼ teaspoon fine salt
1 large egg
1 to 1¼ teaspoons mint extract
1 cup unsalted butter, (2 sticks), room temperature
2 cups all-purpose flour
food coloring (optional)

Chocolate Dough:
1¼ cups granulated sugar
¾ cup Dutch-process cocoa powder
¼ teaspoon fine salt
1 cup unsalted butter, (2 sticks) room temperature
1 large egg
1½ cups all-purpose flour

For the 'vanilla' dough:
Mix the two sugars and the salt together in a medium bowl. In another small bowl, whisk the egg and mint extract and set aside. With a hand held mixer beat the butter until smooth in a large bowl. While mixing, gradually add the sugar mixture, and continue beating until lightly colored and fluffy, about 1 to 2 minutes. Stop mixing and scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the egg mixture (and food coloring, if using) and beat until smooth. Gradually add the flour, mixing slowly until blended.

Turn the dough out of the bowl, divide in half. Place the halves between two pieces of lightly floured parchment or waxed paper. Roll into a 10 by 12 by ¼ inch rectangle. Slide the sheets of dough/parchment sheets onto a baking sheet, and refrigerate until firm, about two hours or overnight.

For the chocolate dough:
Whisk the sugar, cocoa, salt in a medium bowl. With a hand held mixer beat the butter until smooth in a large bowl. While mixing, add the cocoa mixture, and continue beating until lightly colored and fluffy, 1 to 2 minutes. Stop mixing and scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the egg and beat until smooth. Gradually add the flour, mixing slowly until blended.

Turn the dough out of the bowl, divide in half. Place the halves between two pieces of lightly floured parchment or waxed paper. Roll into a 10 by 12 by ¼ inch rectangle. Slide the sheets of dough/parchment sheets onto a baking sheet, and refrigerate until firm, about two hours or overnight.

To assemble the doughs into swirls:
Put one of the chocolate doughs on the workspace and remove the top sheet of parchment. Brush dough lightly with cold water. Place a sheet of vanilla dough on the workspace, and remove top sheet of paper. Using the bottom piece of the paper to lift the dough, place the vanilla dough on top of the chocolate dough. Take care to line up the edges of the two doughs and trim as needed. Lightly press to smooth and seal the doughs together. Remove the top piece of paper. Brush the surface of the dough lightly with cold water. Position the sandwiched doughs with the long edge facing you. Using the edge of the paper as a guide, roll the doughs into a tight cylinder, about 2 inches wide. Wrap in plastic and refrigerate for 1 hour or overnight. Repeat with remaining two sheets of dough.

To bake the cookies:
Preheat to 325º F. Slice the dough crosswise into ¼ inch thick cookies. Lay about ½ inch apart on parchment-lined baking sheets. Bake until just golden - not too dark you'll lose the definition of the spiral, about 14 to 16 minutes. Makes about 6 dozen cookies.

KEY LIME SPARKLERS

This is another little gem that arrived in my e-mail box, this time from the wonderful King Arthur Flour e-newsletter. They actually sell a kit for making these little delights, which would likely save you the trouble of finding sour salt (citric acid), lime juice and key lime juice, but once you try them you'll want to make them again.

They are nicely tart with the great taste of Key limes, the Meyer lemon of the lime diaspora. The 'sparkler' part of the name comes from using edible glitter, which, while not necessary, does add a certain something, especially if you see them in the daylight. I changed some of the original recipe proportions to get a more pronounced lime flavor, and added a little green food coloring, since without it (or green edible glitter) they look just like Italian Wedding cookies, which, while delicious, are no Key Lime Sparklers.

One last note: make these small. The batch I made for the party got a little too big, and a little too dry in baking. Stick to the 1 inch rule.

Cookies
¾ cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter
¾ cup granulated sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 tablespoons Key Lime Juice
1/8 teaspoon lime oil
1/8 teaspoon sour salt (citric acid)*
1 large egg 2½ cups King Arthur Unbleached All-Purpose Flour

Coating
1/8 teaspoon sour salt (citric acid*)
1 cup glazing sugar or confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons white edible glitter (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS
*Sour salt (citric acid) is what gives the cookies their sour bite—if you want less tang, use just a pinch.

In a medium-sized bowl, beat together the butter, sugar, salt, and baking powder till well blended. Beat in the lime juice, lime oil, sour salt (citric acid), and the egg. Blend in the flour thoroughly.

Roll the dough into 1" balls, and place them on lightly greased or parchment-lined baking sheets. Bake the cookies in the top third of a preheated 350°F oven for 14 to 16 minutes, until the cookies are browned on the bottom. Remove them from the oven, and cool on the pan for about 2 minutes before transferring to a rack.

Mix together the sugar coating ingredients in a pan or bag. Gently shake and roll the still slightly warm cookies in the sugar till coated. Allow the cookies to cool completely, then repeat, coating again with the sugar. (If you're freezing the cookies, you may choose to recoat the cookies in sugar once they've been removed from the freezer, before serving.) Makes about 3 dozen cookies.

PROFITEROLES (WITH EASY MOUSSE)

Yet another Everyday Food find, when I saw the recipe for the profiteroles (aka 'cream puffs') I just knew I had to try it. You actually make the dough in a pot on the stove, so that sounded cool. Yes, I am easily impressed.

In the magazine, they had them filled with the more traditional ice cream, frozen, and drizzled with hot fudge sauce just before serving. I knew that wouldn't work for me, but I couldn't think of a substitute until the illustrious Kay (she of the Puff Pastry Rolls and Spinach Bread) suggested an 'easy mousse' recipe that seemed a no-brainer: instant pudding with half of the cold milk replaced with heavy cream. It would give the right taste and would be stable at room temperature! Eureka!

I also made these a bit too large. The dough is very very sticky, but do try to keep the amount of dough in each lump down to a heaping Tablespoon. They look very fancy when they're done, and aren't sweet (no sugar) which naturally makes them perfect for filling with something sweet. If you wait to fill these until closer to the party, do NOT store them sealed in plastic or they will lose their nice light, slightly bready quality and will go a bit chewy on you. Bleah.

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces, plus more for baking sheets
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
4 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 egg yolk beaten with 1 teaspoon water, for egg wash

1 Tablespoon confectioners' sugar (for sprinkling, optional)

Make the dough: Preheat oven to 425°, with racks in upper and lower thirds. Butter two large rimmed baking sheets.

Combine butter, 1 cup water, and salt in a 2-quart heavy saucepan; bring to a boil over high heat, stirring until butter melts. Reduce heat to medium.

Add flour; cook, stirring with a wooden spoon, until mixture pulls away from the sides of the pan and forms a ball, 30 seconds to 1 minute. The dough is of the right consistency when it pulls away from the sides of the pan and looks like dry mashed potatoes. Remove from heat; cool 1 minute.

With an electric handheld mixer, beat in eggs, a little bit at a time, until completely incorporated (dough should look shiny and be soft enough to slowly fall off a spoon).

Drop heaping tablespoons of batter onto baking sheets (you should have 24 to 28), about 2 inches apart. Using a pastry brush, lightly brush puffs with egg wash (do not let it drip on sheets).

Bake, rotating sheets between racks halfway through, until puffed and brown, about 25 minutes. Remove from oven; turn oven off.

With a toothpick, poke a hole in each puff. Return to oven (still off) for 10 minutes (this helps puffs dry out).

EASY MOUSSE

I debated between chocolate and vanilla for these things, but chocolate won out.

1 small box chocolate instant pudding mix
1 cup cold milk
1 cup cold heavy whipping cream

Combine pudding mix and milk in a large bowl with an electric beater. Beat in whipping cream until fluffy.

Put 'mousse' into a pastry bag fitted with a medium sized tip, one just big enough to fit inside the holes in the tops of the puffs. Slowly squeeze the bag to fill each puff with mousse until it is full. Place puffs on tray or bowl and sprinkle with confectioners' sugar.

COCONUT BUTTER COOKIES

Have I mentioned lately how great Everyday Food is? Well it is. This cross between a macaroon and a chewy butter cookie is from there. I made them last year and loved them. Don't let them bake too long and don't heap the coconut on; it'll only burn. These hold up very well over time and still tasted great when I had one yesterday... a full two weeks after they were baked!

1 (14 oz) package sweetened shredded coconut (just over 5 cups)
1 cup granulated sugar
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon baking powder
½ cup (1 stick) chilled unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1½ cups all purpose flour (spooned and leveled)

Preheat oven to 350° F. Set aside 2 loosely packed cups of coconut on a plate. Place remaining coconut in a food processor along with sugar, salt, and baking powder; process until finely ground. Add butter, and process until no lumps remain. Add egg and vanilla; process just until smooth. Add flour; pulse until a crumbly dough begins to form, scraping down the sides of bowl as needed (do not overmix).

Forming 5 or 6 at a time, scoop level Tablespoons of dough, and place in reserved coconut. Roll into balls, lightly coating with coconut.

Arrange balls, about 2 inches apart, on parchment-lined baking sheets. Bake until lightly golden, 15-18 minutes. Cool on baking sheets 1-2 minutes; transfer to wire rack to cool completely.

CHOCOLATE SHERRY BALLS (aka SWEDISH CAKES)

These truffle-like delights were a specialty of Christopher's beloved grandma, and they show up every year on our cookie plates. Since there is absolutely no baking involved, they're particularly easy to make, though a little messy -- especially if you use the recommended mixing utensils: your hands. They're also often the first cookies to be made since they are stored in the freezer.

We used some of that famous Valrhona cocoa powder (it uses a lot!), and you could really taste the difference, so I'm recommending here the use of Dutched cocoa powder, though it seems to have fallen out of favor lately. Not sure why. Also remember that anytime you cook with alcohol (especially in this case, since the cookies aren't baked), be sure it's alcohol of a quality you would want to drink. You don't have to like Sherry, but even a non-discriminating palate can tell a crappy salt-nightmare Sherry from a decent one. For what it's worth, we used a pretty cheap brand, Christian Brothers, and it was fine.

3 cups oatmeal (not instant)
12 Tablespoons Dutch-process cocoa powder
¾ cup sugar
3/8 lb. (1½ sticks) butter, softened
1½ teaspoons vanilla extract
6 Tablespoons strong coffee, cooled
Dry Sherry to taste (we probably used just over a ¼ cup or so)
¾ cup confectioners' sugar in a clean paper bag

In a large bowl, whisk together oats, cocoa and sugar. Stir in butter, vanilla and coffee. Mix with clean hands until well combined. Add Sherry.

Making 8-10 at a time, roll dough into 1" balls. Place in paper bag with sugar. Shake the bag to coat the balls. Remove them and place in a plastic bag in the freezer to firm up; at least 1 hour. Store in freezer and serve cold when possible.

CHEWY MOLASSES SPICE COOKIES

My mother used to make the greatest molasses cookies in the whole wide world. Years ago, I got a copy of her recipe, but it's lost in the bowels of my recipe clippings collection (resolution for 2006... finally get that bulging envelope cleaned out and, dare I say it, organized), so when I saw this recipe in (guess where) Everyday Food, I thought I'd give it a go.

They were certainly good tasting, but spread a little bit more than I was hoping. I wanted something a bit thicker. Though this is a rare occurrence, and I have no evidence to support this, I may (and I stress 'may') have mis-measured the flour in this recipe, which might account for why my cookies were especially flat, sugary and didn't crackle at all. Hey, I get at least one dud per Christmas, pally.

2 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
1½ teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
½ teaspoon salt
1½ cups sugar
12 tablespoons (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 large egg
¼ cup molasses

Preheat oven to 350° F. In a medium bowl, whisk flour, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. In a shallow bowl, place ½ cup sugar; set aside.

Beat butter and remaining cup of sugar until combined. Beat in egg and then molasses until combined. Reduce speed to low; gradually mix in dry ingredients, just until a dough forms.

Pinch off and roll dough into balls, each equal to 1 tablespoon. Roll balls in reserved sugar to coat.

Arrange balls on baking sheets, about 3 inches apart. Bake, one sheet at a time, until edges are just firm, 10 to 15 minutes (cookies can be baked two sheets at a time, but they will not crackle uniformly). Cool 1 minute on baking sheets; transfer to racks to cool completely. Store in an airtight container, 3 to 4 days. Makes about 3 dozen.

STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING

Ah... the piece de resistance of our annual party. This was a recipe Christopher picked up while living in Aberdeen, Scotland. The original recipe calls for treacle, which is really just an old term for dark molasses, though I believe that real Scottish treacle has special properties that make it unique. Someday we're going to try it... if we ever run out of the little jar of dark molasses we bought a few years ago!

Here is what he said about it in the commentary of a cookbook he contributed to back in Pittsburgh:

"This dessert, rich enough to make you pleasantly sick, hails from northeast Scotland, courtesy of 'ma Blootoon quine,' Mrs. Ann Cromarty.

We always serve this late-on in the party. Bowls with a dense little square covered in a rich, warm sauce and topped with chilled heavy cream puts some people off, but there are always those guests more than willing to soak up the extras. This cake also freezes beautifully, and can easily be baked, frozen and mailed to a distant friend with the recipe (and maybe some of the ingredients) for the sauce.

Cake:
1 (8 oz.) package chopped dates
1 cup water
1¼ cups (about 6 oz.) dark brown sugar
¼ cup (½ stick) butter
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup self rising flour (recipe follows)
1 teaspoon baking soda
A healthy dribble of dark molasses

Sauce:
1½ cups (about 7 oz.) dark brown sugar
2¼ cups (1½ sticks) butter
1 half-pint carton of heavy whipping cream, plus more for serving.

To make the cake: Pre-heat oven to 350° F. In a large, heavy bottomed sauce pan, boil dates with water until mushy. Lower heat to medium and add brown sugar and butter. Cook until butter melts and sugar dissolves. Remove from heat and allow to cool for 3-5 minutes.

Stir in eggs, flour, baking soda and molasses.. Pour into an ungreased 9 x 5 inch loaf pan. Bake for 45 minutes, or until a toothpick or cake tester comes out of the center clean. Cool in the pan for 5-10 minutes. Invert the pan onto a plate, hold plate and pan together and shake until cake comes loose.

To make the sauce: Combine all ingredients over medium-low in a medium saucepan until melted. Do not let mixture come to a boil.

To serve: Slice cake and drizzle warm sauce over the top. Serve with vanilla ice cream, fresh whipped cream, or simply drizzle with a little more cold unwhipped heavy cream. Serves 8-10, or more if your pieces are small (it's very rich).

SELF-RISING FLOUR

Weather you buy or make this stuff, don't leave it sitting around longer than 4-6 months, as baking powder starts to lose some of it's kick in time.

1 cup sifted cake flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ tsp. salt

Sift all items together well, and use in place of store-bought self rising flour.

KYLE'S FAMOUS HOLIDAY CHAMPAGNE PUNCH

OK. Confession time. I hardly invented this drink, though it now bears my name. When I learned it from a guy I saw back in the day, it was named after him. I have been making it annually now, though for well over ten years, and I feel I've sufficiently added to the life of the recipe as well as the ingredients, so I'm not entirely ashamed of calling it my own.

To serve this at one of our first SF Christmas bashes, I got myself an ugly but functional pressed-glass punchbowl from Bed Bath and Beyond. It worked out fine for a long long time. Our dear friend Ms. Julie one year got us a gorgeous glass bowl, very simply designed with high sides and with our initials etched around the rim. We use it as often as we can and have learned to love punch and the making of it.

Do yourself a favor, though and get an ice-ring mold. For a few years I managed to use a shallow bowl with a plastic jar in placed in the center to make the rings, but it's just not the same. If you absolutely refuse to do a ring, simply dump half a bag of frozen strawberries in and maybe a few good-looking ice cubes and that'll do the trick.

Also, try not to waste the Dom Perignon on this punch, even if it is Christmas. It should be good enough champers to drink, but get something on the cheap end. Under NO circumstances should you use Cooks. That stuff isn't even fit to clean your drains with.

1 (16 oz.) bag frozen whole strawberries
1½ cups of strawberry juice
1 small (12 oz.) can frozen orange juice concentrate
1 small (12 oz.) can frozen lemonade concentrate
½ of a can (6 oz of a 12 oz. can) frozen limeade concentrate
2 2-liter bottles of 7-Up, chilled if possible
1 bottle sparkling wine, chilled if possible
Rum (dark or light) or vodka to taste

Place about half of the strawberries in an ice ring mold. Mix strawberry juice with ½ cup water and pour over strawberries until the liquid level is about halfway up the berries. Place in freezer until liquid is rigid; about 45 minutes. Any of the original 1½ cups of strawberry juice that remains and water. Re-freeze. If any room remains in the top of the ring, cover with more water and re-freeze.

Remove ring from the mold by dipping the ring into a shallow basin with very hot water that comes at least halfway up the side of the ring. Use a fork to try to "push" the ring around in the mold until it comes loose. Invert ring over basin and place ring into a plastic freezer bag and store in freezer until you're ready to assemble the punch.

When assembling the punch, place the orange juice, lemonade and limeade concentrates in the punch bowl and mix to combine. Add 7-Up and sparkling wine and stir, breaking up melting pieces of juice concentrates. Float ice-ring in the bowl and add rum to taste.

The juice concentrates may be combined in a container beforehand to ease last-minute assembly. This is especially helpful if you're planning on multiple batches.

==

Merry Christmas to all cooks and eaters, and remember those going hungry as we are not. God bless us every one!

Posted by kyle at 12:34 PM | Comments (1)

November 9, 2005

Everyone A Puzzle Lover

So... you've heard Emily and I talk about the radio station that we're listening to a lot these days at work... it's 99.3 FM "The Vine," a station straight outta Napa. C'pher and I discovered this station on one of our many many trips to drink wine (and, for C, to unthaw in the summer), and by some strange quirk of the troposphere, we were able to pick it up on one single radio in our old North Beach apartment. We can't get it at all in our new Mission digs, but I managed to tune it in at work, and now Emily is a convert.

They have these really funny sting promos for the station as they go back into the music from commercials -- I guess they're meant to show the wide variety of music played on the station. They say things like, "From The Gong Show... to American Idol. We're 99.3... The Vine. Just good music." Are you beginning to see why we love this station so much?

One day, I heard one that presented a bit of a puzzle: "From Sonny & Cher... to Nick & Jessica." That got me to thinking -- and we know where that leads. If this tag were a puzzle where we were supposed to show the "steps" between Sonny & Cher and Nick & Jessica, what would those steps be?

I offer the following as a starting point:

Sonny & Cher

Donny & Marie

Captain & Tenille

Ashford & Simpson

?

Nick & Jessica

In the spirit of Word Combinations, please help me fill in the huge huge gaps. E-mail your ideas directly to me, or leave them in the comment section here. When I send the resulting puzzle to Will Shortz for use on Weekend Edition Sunday, I will be sure he mentions your name. How's that for incentive?

Posted by kyle at 3:20 PM

October 7, 2005

Speaking What to Whom?

Today, the International Atomic Energy Agency and its director Mohamed ElBaradei won the Nobel Peace Prize, which shows that the Nobel folks still know what they're talking about. Good for them.

When I heard an excerpt of ElBaradei's speech this morning on the radio, he said something about "speaking truth to power."

That reminded me of a very very cool post over on Will's "Professor Truth" blog:

Thrill Is A Huge Dork, First Blood Part 1: Speaking truth to power

after reading an email from hip e., i looked around for info on the phrase "speak truth to power" because, although i thought i knew the meaning, i wasn't certain. my thought was that it means to be honest with people in power, rather than being a yes man; this is the meaning that most often came up in my various web searches (not surprisingly, since that's what most people mean when they use it). however, it apparently isn't that at all.

it has to do with the idea that power and truth are philosophically inter-connected (a la nietzsche), and that truth is indeed itself a form of power (philosophically speaking). the idea is that power is corrupt (as in acton's famous quote, "power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely"), as are the people who hold the power. their corrupt power is based on a corrupt truth (let's take for an example the assertion that "apartheid doesn't hurt people"). if one exposes the real truth (not the corrupt version of "truth" that the powerful are putting out there as true), the power system collapses under the weight of the truth (as mandela did in south africa, with the end of apartheid eventually spelling the end of white rule in south africa). "to speak truth to power" means, in this sense (that is, the correct sense), to expose something for what it really is: a corruption. anita hill used the phrase to describe (in her book "speaking truth to power") her dealings with the whole clarence thomas nomination/lawsuit issue; by speaking truth to power, she exposed the corruption of thomas for all to see (although obviously that wasn't found to be the case, and she failed to undermine his reputation/power sufficiently to prevent his confirmation to the court).

so, while the idea of being honest with those in power fits nicely into the syntax of the phrase, it's actually quite the opposite: it means to speak to truth to those NOT in power, thereby exposing those in power as corrupt. i suppose you could say it's similar to the phrase "this speaks to the issue": it doesn't literally mean you're speaking to an issue, it means you're addressing it, you're handling it; similarly, speaking truth to power means you're addressing/handling the issue that the powerful aren't being honest/truthful.

i bet you can't wait for part 2....

16 Feb 05 - 10:36pm

Now go and read some Professor Truth and all the other fun folks in my brand-new blogroll, adroitly named "Aren't YOU clever?"

Unless... the only people who read my blog are already listed there. Eh boy.

Posted by kyle at 4:38 PM | Comments (1)

September 29, 2005

Ceci est mon blog

Today I was over at Sarah's blog, All About Q, and wanted to make a comment on one of her hilarious posts, and found that, for some reason, I had to register with Blogger to do it. That's no problem.

What was wierd was that, while signing up for what I thought was going to be a simple allowance to post to Sarah's blog, in addition, I also ended up with a free blogspot on Blogger. "Whaaa haaapeeen?"

Fear not, oh, Cake Clubbers (as I like to call you, my loyal fanbase). Thanks to Harold, this space will remain my on-line home.

Speaking of which... remember when everyone had "home pages?" Wasn't that quaint?

Posted by kyle at 4:03 PM | Comments (1)

September 26, 2005

Brunch with Zuzu

Our dear ol' pals Christine and Gary were back in town this week with the almost-two-year-old Zuzu in tow. She's still cute, still bald, and so are Christine and Gary, respectively.

Click here to see the pictures we took at two consecutive Sunday afternoon munchfests, first at Radhi's place in Noe Valley, and then at ours just yesterday. Looking at the photos, you might think we do nothing but eat and sit around, and you'd be right.

And speaking of eating, C'pher and I bussed out Brunch for Le Gang, and it was a pretty good one. On the menu was:

· Crumb Coffeecake
· Leonard's Dish
· Kicky Corn Muffins
· Mini-BLTs with Oven Bacon
· Tomato Pie
· Fruit Salad
· Green Salad
· Creme Brulee French Toast
· Sparkling Cherry-LIme Punch
· Coffee/Tea/OJ/Mimosas/Champers

We had more than enough for the assembled crowd, which seems sickeningly ideal to me. Elsewhere on this blog, you can find the dirt on the ever-popular Creme Brulee French Toast (which came out at the end, like dessert), but keep reading to find out more about the other dishes, and see their recipes.

CRUMB COFFEECAKE

This recipe is from one of my favorite gifts from the past year The King Arthur Flour Baker's Companion. This was the first thing anyone at the party cut into and it was a 100% hit. I made it in my favorite, the tube pan, and for the last few minutes of bake time, I added some slivered almonds. Even before I added a little dusting of Confectioners' sugar, this thing looked like it came from a professional bakery. The crumb was tasty with just a touch of almond flavor, but the cake was fucking incredible. I'm going to make the same batter again, and maybe make Dirt Bombs out of it... you know those little French cinnamon donut-esque cupcakes that are slathered in melted butter and then rolled in cinnamon and sugar? Yeah. Those.
This recipe will make two 8-inch round coffeecakes, or fill a 9x13-inch pan, or a 9- or 10-inch tube pan.

Crumb
2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose (AP) flour
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon almond extract

Cake
8 Tablespoons (1 stick) butter
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup (8 oz) sour cream
2 cups unbleached AP flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salk
1 teaspoon baking powder
Confectioners' sugar, for dusting

Pre heat the oven to 350° F. Grease the preferred pan(s).

To make the crumb: In a medium-sized mixing bowl, wisk together the flour, sugar, salt and cinnamon. Melt the butter in the microwave or small saucepan and add the extracts to it. Pour the butter into the flour mixture and mix until all the butter is absorbed and you ahve a uniformly moistened crumb mixture. Set aside while you make the cake batter.

To make the batter: In a large mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, and beat between additions. Scrape down the mixing bowl, then beat in the vanilla and sour cream. In a medium-sized bowl, whisk the flour, baking soda, salt, and baking powder together. Add to the butter/sour cream mixture, mixing until evenly combined. Pour the batter into the greased baking pan(s). Crumble the crumb mixture over the top, until the batter is completely covered. Bake for 20-25 minutes for 8-inch rounds, 30-35 minutes for a 9x13-inch pan, or 35-40 minutes for a 9- or 10-inch tube pan. Bake until a tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove the cake from the oven and cool on a rack; dust the top Confectioners' sugar, if desired.

LEONARD'S DISH aka 'The Recipe'

This is your typical egg-and-sausage-and-bread dish that every family has their own version of. This one happens to belong to Chirstopher's dad, Leonard, aka Boobie. We love dishes like this since you do all of the work the night before and just pop the sucker into the oven the next morning and voila.

We made ours with Chorizo instead of Italian sausage, added some cumin and fresh ground pepper in addition to the dry mustard, and served it with some diced raw white onion and cilantro on the side; the recipe lends itself well to adaptation. We also used mostly egg beaters, which work fine in this dish. Doubling this recipe works very well in a 9x13 pan. The chorizo, once out of its casing, really cooked up to a mush, so that was less than ideal, but the resulting taste was still pretty good. This stuff is GREAT re-heated the next day, so save your leftovers. Yum!

1 pound browned bulk sausage, drained
2 slices sandwich bread, pulled apart
6 eggs beaten
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Have ungreased medium-sized baking dish ready.

Brown the sausage in a skillet and drain away excess fat. Set aside to cool. Tear bread into bite-sized irregular bits and scatter in the bottom of the baking dish. Beat eggs with milk, salt, and dry mustard. Scatter sausage evenly over the bottom of the dish. Top with 1 1/2 cups of the cheese. Pour egg mixture over the whole thing and top with the remaining cheese.

Cover and chill in the refrigerator overnight. When ready to bake, pre-heat oven to 350° F. Bake for 45 minutes until bubbly. Serve immediately.

KICKY CORN MUFFINS

Another gem from The Baker's Companion (where they are known as Corn Muffins with a Kick), I made these as a likely companion to Leonard's Dish, but I think I may have overmixed them, because they came out a little tough. I hardly ever have luck with muffins, though, so I need some practice. These have a nice piquant bite thanks to the jalapenos and cayenne, so if they were mixed right, they might not be so bad. I like savory corn muffins, so I haven't given up yet -- the cookbook recommends these as a side for chili.

1 cup milk
1 cup cornmeal
1 1/2 cups AP flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup minced scallions
3 Tablespoons jalapeno peppers, minced
1 cup shredded pepperjack cheese

Preheat the oven to 425° F and heavily grease 12 muffin cups.

In a small bowl, pour the milk over the cornmeal and set the mixture aside to soak while you assemble the dry ingredients.

In a medium-sized bowl, wisk together the flour, baking powder, spices and salt. Beat the eggs and add them to the cornmeal mixture with the oil. Add the cornmeal and milk to the dry ingredients, stirring until just blended; don't beat this batter or your muffins will be tough. Fold in the scallions, jalapeno peppers, and 3/4 cup of the grated pepperjack cheese. Spoon the batter into the pan, filling each muffin cup 3/4 full. Sprinkle the remaining cheese atop the muffins, and bake them for 18-22 minutes, until they're golden brown.

OVEN BACON

This an idea I originally saw in Everyday Food, one of the best cooking magazines around. With some advice from my pal Jason from work, who is a food stylist and great cook himself, I doctored it up with fresh Thyme, which turns out to be an amazing addition to Bacon, whether it's regular or Lemon Thyme. We have some growing in the herb garden in our building's courtyard. Hurrah, fresh herbs!

We had some good lettuce, tomatoes, bread and mayo out so our guests could make their own BLTs. It was a hit, and very tasty. A brunch without bacon is like a day without sunshine!

1 1/4 pounds thick-sliced bacon
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
1-2 Tablespoons fresh thyme
1 Tablespoon fresh ground pepper

Preheat oven to 425° F. Lay bacon out in a single layer on a cooling rack set over a rimmed baking sheet lined in foil. Sprinkle liberally with thyme, pepper, and brown sugar. Bake for 10 minutes, and carefully drain off fat drippings if you can, then bake for an additional 6-7 minutes, until bacon is crisp. If using more than one pan, be sure to rotate the pans halfway through the baking time.

TOMATO PIE

I first made Tomato Pie for a gathering with all our new neighbors, and it was easy and delicious. The hardest part is getting the pie baked, but protecting the pie-crust edges from getting too overdone. There is nothing worse than burnt pastry. I think those pie crust edge protector thingies that I've seen would really help, but I don't have one myself... yet.

The recipe says you can serve this hot or at room temp, but I'd let it sit. The hot version is too runny and falls apart. I actually also altered some of the cooking times in this recipe from its original form as found on the Food Network's website, and the new times seem to make much more sense. No offense to Sara Moulton, but pre-baking a crust for 20 minutes, even on the lowest rack of the oven, is just asking for trouble.

1 (9-inch) frozen pie shell, thawed
3 large tomatoes, about 1 1/2 pounds, cut into 1/2-inch-thick slices
Kosher salt, for sprinkling
1/4 cup Dijon mustard
1 cup coarsely grated Gruyere
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh parsley leaves
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme leaves
1 garlic clove, minced
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Additional kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Line the shell with foil and fill with pie weights, dried beans, or rice. Bake in the lower third of the oven for 10 minutes. Carefully remove the weights and foil. Return to the oven and bake for 5-6 minutes more or until light golden. Cool in the pan on a wire rack.

Turn up the oven to 400 degrees F.

Sprinkle the tomatoes with salt and drain in a colander for 10 to 15 minutes. Spread the mustard over the bottom of the shell and sprinkle the cheese over it. Arrange the tomatoes over the cheese in one overlapping layer. Bake until the pastry is golden brown and the tomatoes are very soft, 35 to 40 minutes.

In a small bowl, stir together the parsley, thyme, garlic, olive oil, and salt and pepper to taste to blend. Sprinkle the pie with this mixture while hot and spread out gently with the back of a spoon. Serve the pie hot or at room temperature.

SPARKLING CHERRY-LIME PUNCH

Christine is pregnant again... this time with twin boys (whom she and Gary have naturally pledged to name Chrisopher and Kyle), so we wanted to have something special and non-alcoholic. Thanks to Ms. Julie, we also have a gorgeous customized punchbowl, and so I sought out a good punch recipe.

I was fixated on cherry, and experimented with a few ingredients without much success. A word to the wise: using cherry gelatin as the base for punch just makes the punch taste like cheap red pop. I finally hit upon the idea of Cherry 7-Up, which had exactly the taste I was hoping for. Light, sweet without being artificial tasting, and most importantly, cherry. I decided I couldn't just fill up the punchbowl with 7-Up, so I made an ice-ring with an addative that would lend more flavor, and added some limeade for an underlying citrus punch. Pardon the pun.

This stuff was DELICOUS, especially when cold because of the ice ring, and refreshing. C'pher said it made a great mimosa with champagne, too, so feel free to booze it up as long as your'e not pregnant with my namesake. I'm thinking chambord wouldn't be a bad additive.

Ice Ring
1 medium bottle unsweetened 100% cherry juice
about 30 or so frozen or fresh pitted cherries

Punch
1 2-liter bottle Cherry 7-Up, chilled
1/2 cup frozen limeade concentrate, thawed
1 lime for garnish

Place several cherries in an ice-ring mold and fill part-way with cherry juice, freeze. Once cherries are held in place, top with more cherry juice until ring is full. Ring may be removed from the mold and saved in a plastic bag in the freezer until it is needed. Take frozen limeade can, and store it in the fridge to thaw.

Assemble the punch: place ice ring in punch bowl, and pour Cherry 7-Up over it. Pour in thawed limeade concentrate and stir. Taste, and add more limeade if necessary. Garnish with thin slices of lime.

Posted by kyle at 4:52 PM | Comments (1)

August 28, 2005

Devils, dogs

Fully two weeks after the event itself, here are the promised pictures from my Very Evil Birthday celebration. Good fun and heartburn were had by all. No one ate an eyeball, though. Hm.

Posted by kyle at 11:08 AM

August 19, 2005

"One day in the late mid 80's I was in my early late 20's. "

I am not one of those people who is afraid of saying my age out loud. My life has, by and large, got consistently better and better the older I get, so I figure the best is yet to come, so why not enjoy it.

Last week, as you know, I turned 37 (more on the festivities later), and though I can't pretend the looming four-zero doesn't give me sort of a lump in my throat, I am glad to share that fact with folks I know.

Others, I realize, are different. Based on a funny line by John Cameron Mitchell in "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," Emily and I hereby establish this as the new standard of Describing Your Age Without Giving Too Much Away.

AGE "I'm in my...
30 "I'm 30."
31 ...early thirties."
32 ...mid-early thirties."
33 ...late early thirties."
34 ...early mid-thirties."
35 ...mid-thirties."
36 ...late mid-thirties."
37 ...early late thirties."
38 ...mid-late thirties."
39 ...late thirties."
40 "I'm 40."

Based on our formula, Hedwig's line (and not co-incidentally, the title of this post) would translate to: "One day in 1986, I was 27." As you can see, Hedwig's way, and now our way, is way funnier.

Posted by kyle at 3:41 PM | Comments (2)

August 4, 2005

Very Evil Birthday

You're invited to a party!

Saturday, August 13th is my 37th birthday. I will likely be working on the day itself, but that doesn't mean that I can't parley the actual day into a weekend full of fun and frolic. I want you to join in a special part of it.

Christopher has been pestering me for a while to decide on an event for at least one of the days for that weekend. Here is an excerpt of the e-mail I sent him:

Here is what I want to do: Friday night I want to come home after work and bake something. Then I want to order some food delivered and eat dinner and watch some Netflix or something. Inviting folks over to join us would be just fine and fun. Alternatively, we can make hot dogs instead of ordering out. Mmmm... hot dogs.

Like a good husband he has consented, asking me to put one of my favorite films at the top of our Netflix cue.

So, on Friday night, 8/12, we are going to have hot dogs (which I love so fucking much), potato chips (C got some Ohio-made Ballreich's chips sent for his birthday last week), whatever baked goodie I decide to crank out, and, if Netflix is kind, we will be screening a favorite from my high school days: The Evil Dead.

If I don't seem like the horror movie type to you, it's because I'm not. I do like the occasional scary movie. The Evil Dead, however, far from being scary, is the most hilarious thing ever filmed. My friends and I back in West Virginia would organize a big annual screening of this cult classic and it's sequel/re-make Evil Dead 2. ED2 makes a good companion piece, but we were always disappointed by it. See, Sam Raimi (yes... THAT Sam Raimi) really took ED seriously. He wanted people to be freaked. It was supposed to be scary. Parts of it are, I suppose, but mostly it's a total riot. Again, because it was meant to be serious. Unlike Showgirls, which was meant to be a total riot and ended up scary. Or something.

ED2 fails in comparison because it is intentionally funny. I mean, Bruce Campbell (reprising his role as Ash from the original in what is essentially a re-telling of the same story with more schlock) cuts off his own possessed hand, and replaces it with a chain saw. An eyeball flies through the air, it's optic nerve trailing like Superman's cape, and is somehow swallowed by a bystander. Though I must admit we reenacted that eyeball scene many a time, I can only say, "Whatever." We'll stick with the original, thankyouverymuch.

Maybe if I can pick up a copy of Soapdish, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Death Becomes Her, or Ferris Bueller's Day Off, we can screen a second movie. Otherwise, there's always Waiting for Guffman or Steel Magnolias from my personal library. Diabetic comas... oh the hilarity!

So, please come and join us. Drop me an e-mail and let me know if you are coming and what details, if any, you need. Regrets and gifts not necessary. Flying eyeballs are, though.

Posted by kyle at 11:52 AM

July 27, 2005

Into shape. Shape it up. Get it straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late.

First let me say that I am a fan of the Jo-Tel blog, as well as their kissin' cousins (bastard children just doesn't seem like the right term), Professor Truth and Johnny D. These guys are funny. And regardless of the fact that I have yet to show at one of their parties, they continue to invite me. That is cool.

Further, let me point out yet again that they inspired my ever-popular, often imitated, never duplicated, soon to be syndicated feature, Found Porn. Hip E. has now taken to sending me links to photos, and actually reading MY far less interesting blog. Again with coolness.

So it stands to reason that, because these guys are so cool, inevitably I read something they've written and think "WTF" and feel super super old. Case in point: Hip E's 7/14/05 post "Real World Has Awesome Graphics."

I was reading this thing when I came to the following passage:

So then we tried to swim all the way up the Pacific Coast. Did I mention we had been smoking and doing whip-its all day? Oh yeah, we had.

The first time I breezed past it, thinking I would figure out WTF "whip-its" were in good time. But I didn't. I had occasion to breeze over that way again today and it struck me that I still didn't know WTF he was talking about. Picture me in your mind feeling super super old, and you'll get a good idea of my demeanor right at that moment.

Then I remembered it's 2005. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Urban Dictionary. See: Whip-Its, (noun).

The Internet: Where everyone old is fly again.

Posted by kyle at 3:29 PM | Comments (1)

July 12, 2005

Le Weekend

Have I mentioned how awesome my weekend was?

Friday night, Christopher and I went to a movie with my oldest pal John. We had Cottage Pie and pints at The Pig and Whistle in the fog-bound and blustery Inner Richmond, then crossed the street to the Bridge Theatre to see a fantastic new movie, Me and You and Everyone We Know. The movie itself was really wonderful, and unbeknownst to us, the writer, director and star Miranda July was there, and did a Q & A after the screening. "I turned to C'pher and said, "I love this city!" for what wouldn't be the last time that weekend.

Saturday afternoon I met some of my fellow gay comics fans at Metreon for the opening weekend screening of Fantastic Four. It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible either. At least it wasn't as bad as Daredevil! And there was plenty of eye candy... not the least of which was an almost embarrassing amount of beefcake, courtesy Chris Evans, who was playing Johnny Storm, aka The Human Torch.

At one point, he bursts into flame while snowboarding, lands in a huge snowdrift which instantly melts into an ad hoc bubbling mountainside hot tub. His clothes having burned off, he is naked and wet in the water. He spends the next SEVERAL scenes running around wearing his female skiing partner's teeny weenie ski jacket wrapped around his waist. The plot may have been thin, but that movie earned my $10 with the Chris Evans scenes alone.

::sigh:: Now... where was I? Oh yes...

After the movie, I had an hour or so to kill, so I picked up a comic to read at the shop in Metreon, and headed to the top floor of the nearby Virgin Megastore and Citizen Cupcake, a very nice new offshoot of the Hayes Valley Citizen Cake. I ordered a few of my favorite cookies, a cup of coffee, and settled in for a visit to Kurt Busiek's Astro City. I stared a little at the passing throng of Market Street shoppers below and all was right with the world. Great city!

Before long it was time to collect Mary and get to the car where C'pher was waiting to whisk us to the Indigo Girls concert. Though I could go on about that more, I won't. You're welcome.

Sunday we slept late, and then I spent a bustling four hours at work. I left at 7, and Muni'd up to the Castro to meet C'pher and Miss Kay, who is back working and staying in SF for a while before she has to leave us for Philadelphia again. I knew we were going to see a silent film at the Castro Theater, but I didn't realize it was going to be the finale of the 10th Anniversary San Francisco Silent Film Festival!

The place was packed, and the mood was quite jubilant. Many folks were in 20's and 30's costume. After some speechifying and screening of rare clips, we were treated to Clara Bow starring in "IT," the story of the 20's "it" girl that would define all quirky movie gals for years to come. This movie was fantastic! If you've never had a chance to see it live with organ accompaniment, at least rent it. It's pretty racy, and Clara Bow's character is a pre-pre-pre Women's Libber like you've never seen.

At one point during the movie, I scanned the crowd, and landed on Christopher beside me. "This city is so great!" he said.

Yep. He's right.

Posted by kyle at 12:21 PM | Comments (1)

July 11, 2005

Get out the Map

Saturday night I got to do something I almost never do.... see a concert by one of my favorite bands. I see the ads for the shows and think, "wouldn't that be fun?" Soon after, though, I usually talk myself out of it. It's too expensive, or too far to travel, or the crowd will be crazy, or it's my only night to do laundry or I just had painful gastrointestinal surgery or whatever.

This time, though, my pal Mary from work said "No one wants to go to see the Indigo Girls with me. Will you go?" Hm. Let's see. I'll have to think abou... YES.

So, Saturday evening saw me, Christopher and Mary in a City CarShare Scion XB cruising south on 101 to the Fox Theater in Redwood City, listening to an MP3 CD with something like 70 Indigo Girls tracks. We were munching on Citizen Cake chocolate sandwich cookies. The sun was shining; pizza, beer and amazing music were in our immediate future. Life was good.

And it only got better! Amy and Emily were in great voice, especially Emily. She must have perfect pitch; she laid it all out there, and I never heard a single off note. She's like an angel! They did a simple girls-and-guitars show, with no band. Their opening act, Girlyman, joined them in a few songs, and was the perfect accompaniment.

And speaking of Girlyman they were fantastic. They are a trio of Brooklynites including an Asian gal on guitar, a gay boy on bass and the most adorable baby dyke you’ve ever seen on a hand-played drum and the occasional other instrument. Not only were they super cute in the extreme, they also sounded great – sort of folksy and upbeat, and heavy on the close harmonies. Sound familiar? The audience loved them.

As I promised to Emily, here is a set list of everything Our Girls performed during their almost hour and a half on stage with no breaks. I lost C'pher's pen while taking notes at about song 6 or so, but Mary came through with a spare. As an added bonus, I've listed the albums each song came from, as well as weather each is an "Amy" song or an "Emily" song. If you have to ask what that means, you're not really an Indigo Girls fan... yet.

1. Devotion – Retrospective (Amy)
2. Fill It Up Again – All That We Let In (Emily)
3. Joking – Rites of Passage (Amy)
4. Power of Two – Swamp Ophelia (Emily)
5. Ozilene – Come On Now Social (Amy)
6. Wood Song – Swamp Ophelia (Emily)
7. Perfect World* – All That We Let In (Amy)
8. Andy – Come On Now Social (Emily)
9. Shame On You – Shaming of the Sun (Amy)
10. Least Complicated* – Swamp Ophelia (Emily)
11. Dairy Queen – All That We Let In (Amy)
12. Winthrop - Rarities (Emily solo)
13. Let It Ring – Prom (Amy solo)
14. Get Out The Map – Shaming of the Sun (Emily)
15. Let Me Go Easy – Rarities (Amy)
16. Closer to Fine* – Indigo Girls (Emily)
17. Kid Fears – Indigo Girls (Amy)
18. Virginia Woolf – Rites of Passage (Emily)
19. Chicken Man – Rites of Passage (Amy) + Bitterroot – Become You (Amy)

Encore #1 Galileo – Rites of Passage (Emily)
Encore #2 Finlandia* – Rarities (traditional)*

* with Girlyman

The album Rarities you’ll see mentioned above is a brand-new compilation of random wonderfulness that apparently haven’t been collected in one place; covers, live tracks and contributions they made to soundtracks and tribute albums. Of note are the fabulous and evocative “I Don’t Wanna Talk About It,” which I remember from the soundtrack from the great movie “Philadelphia,” and “Finlandia” an old hymn tune set for 5 voices… Emily, Amy and the three members of Girlyman. As you can see from the set list, they ended the show with that, and everyone knew right then and there that the music couldn’t get any better. It was the perfect finale.

They followed the album convention of starting with an Amy song, and during the show they faithfully traded back and forth between them Amy songs and Emily songs (unless you count #19 as two Amy songs, which I don't really. It's my list, so there). Final score: Amy - 10, Emily - 10, Audience – love.

Up on the watershed,
standing at the fork in the road,
you can stand there and agonize
‘til your agony’s your heaviest load.
You’ll never fly as the crow flies.
Get used to a country mile.
When you’re learning to face
the path at your pace,
every choice is worth your while.

That’s for you, Brenda! You were with me in spirit.

Posted by kyle at 12:16 PM | Comments (3)

June 21, 2005

Gap Check Trifecta

Today, quite inadvertantly (which is the only legitimate method, by the way), I achieved the much sought-after Gap Check Trifecta, meaning I am wearing articles of clothing from each member of the Holy Trinity of Cheap Clothing, BnR, Das Gap, and Olde Navie. Peep dis, friends, Romans and countrymen:

· Half-zip grey/orange sweater by 'nana 'public.
· "Army" type grey (formerly black) jeans by Guh-hap
· XS Heather Grey Pocket Tee and Men's low tube sox by Notorious O.N.

My life is so awesome. It's my wardrobe that needs help.

Posted by kyle at 12:57 PM

March 11, 2005

think BLUE x 2

So, you remember what happened back in November, right? Me too. Though I cringe my way through Morning Edition each day listening to the leader of the free world mangle his native language and worse, I carry a little bit of hope for the next election in my heart. Or rather, on my wrist.

Some neighbors of ours, Chris and Sarah, along with their pal Jason, in reaction to the 2004 Presidential Election results, created think BLUE 2008, a not-for-profit dedicated to spreading the "blue state" message one wrist at a time. They found a manufacturer to make a version of those ubiquitous Live Strong bracelets that superbiker Lance Armstrong sells, and changed the focus from cancer to Democratic and similar left-wing causes.

Lots of my friends ordered their own bracelets on the think BLUE website, and still others got their bracelets from me. And, since Chris doubled my most recent order gratis, I ended up with scads to share. Since then, I have discovered a secret: when we saw Chris and Sarah lately, they each wore two bracelets each. People tend to ask about them more, and when they do, you can simply offer one!

I usually give a quick "Oh, it's blue for Blue State -- you know... Blue State/Red State" sort of explanation, but being able to then offer them one for free (if they want it) means they can later go online and visit the site and get inspired themselves.

Because I've been wearing two lately, I've given away lots more, especially to strangers. I have a job in a rather public setting, and while it's probably not entirely kosher, I've given a few away to sympathetic customers.

Now if I could just get my family back in West Virginia to wear them....

Posted by kyle at 9:05 PM

February 17, 2005

Gap Check

Living as we do in San Francisco, home of Gap, Inc., we youngish urban types end up wearing lots of clothing from what we often refer to as the Holy Trinity. Recovering Catholics, cross yourselves while you say this:

"Banana Republic..." (In the Name of the Father...)
"...The Gap..." (...and of the Son...)
"...and Old Navy." (...and of the Holy Spirit.)
"Amen." (Amen.)

Sure we'd all love to be fashion forward and buy unique clothing from local designers, but let's face it, people: $70 is too much for a t-shirt. $7 is more my speed. It's all about bang for your buck. Thrift stores are great, but even they are expensive.

So we shop at the sale racks at the Holy Trinity. Because of this, we started the "Gap Check" tradition. Every day, someone will call "Gap Check!" and we all have to itemize what clothing, if any, we are wearing from Gap, Old Navy, or Banana.

Today's Gap Check:
Rebecca - Old Navy socks and undershirt
Kyle - Gap belt
Emily - Gap T-shirt, undies and cardigan

Pretty sad. Often times one of us is clad head-to-toe in winners. There are no winners here today, though. None at all.

Posted by kyle at 3:22 PM

February 14, 2005

Found Porn

From my hands-down, headphones-on, pants-off favorite blog comes this sneak peek at boys in their underwear. There goes the neighborhood.

PS: Search for "Sunny Days and Pissed Off Realtors."

Posted by kyle at 3:40 PM

February 3, 2005

Pushups

OK... so about the pushups. Rebecca works with Emily and me, and she is a black belt. That's right! Despite being all-girl all the time and also despite her propensity to cry when presented with pictures of doggies or pictures of babies or pictures of crumpled up tissues, she could still kick your ass in a seriously lethal way. Just kidding SFPD! She would never kill anyone much.

We hear all the time about Rebecca's adventures at her dojo, and how they do just freaking billions of pushups -- on their knuckles, people.

So Rebecca decided that she, Emily and I should start doing pushups when it was slow and we were tempted to pass out from pure afternoon-itis. Just whenever Rebecca decided we needed it.

I'm not sure exactly how, but a new institution arose: hourly sets. Naturally, there are rules that govern this practice, as Rebecca and Emily are big on rules. First, we all have to be in the office together. B) We have a 20 minute window to accomplish this; ten minutes before and after the hour. If it's too soon before or after -- forget it, though make-up pushups have been instituted on occasion.

We started out doing 10 each time, but now Rebecca and I are both up to 15, and are closing in on 20. Emily got sick last week and still participated, though she hadn't truly recovered. It was more of a "push-down," but she still retains the Eye of the Tiger, if you know what I mean.

There is one more rule: after finishing the set, wash your hands. The floor here is disgustipating. Bleh.

Posted by kyle at 11:11 AM | Comments (1)

February 2, 2005

Armsocks

And no, you can't borrow my armsocks. When I get some, that is. These are Emily's.

Posted by kyle at 3:50 PM | Comments (2)

Blogging

Blogging is for cool people like Harold, Jenny, Nicole, Pete, Sarah, Lyle and even Emily. Sucky people like me clearly deserve no bandwidth.

Nevertheless, here I am. ::Insert killer guitar lick here:: Let's rock, people.

Posted by kyle at 2:34 PM | Comments (2)